So I started to see a therapist last week...  I just am feeling as though I wouldn't mind a little professional help in sorting through all the emotions that come up for me as a parent.  I ended up calling a woman who had listed "experiential" as one of the learning tools that she used with clients.  That jumped out at me because the activities we use to facilitate learning in Positive Discipline are "experiential learning" activities. I thought maybe she spoke my language...

I hit the jackpot - this woman not only knows all about experiential learning, she is a Positive Discipline facilitator too!!!  Holy cow!  What luck to have found someone who sees the world through the same lens that I do!!!  I have had two sessions with her and I am feeling more reflective and understanding of my own feelings and emotions.

The main motivation for finding a therapist is too strengthen my relationship with my daughter.  I have written about this before - I find myself triggered so often by her.  My frustration comes so quick and strong with her.  What I am learning is to try and determine what exactly is motivating my emotional reactions to her very typical nine year old behavior.  A lot of the time it has to do with control.  When she doesn't listen to me, or contradicts what I want her to do, I feel a loss of control and deep emotions rise quickly to the surface.  These emotions don't really have anything to do with her, more from unresolved feelings from my own childhood - a sense of insecurity and lack of control...  These were scary, out of control feelings that are now resurfacing for me and effecting my relationship with my girl.

So what is helping?  Well, I quickly notice when the heat in my body rises and I name it.  I recognize that my emotions are coming from a place in my past.  I have been keeping a pen and paper close by so that I can write about how I am feeling.  Sometimes just putting down how I am feeling, however irrational it is, helps me through my little episode.  I have noticed that this results in a quicker recovery time.  I am quicker to return to my rational self.

So I guess I am just letting you all know that I have begun a journey of self discovery.  It is exciting and empowering to know that change is up to me, that there are steps I can take to lead a more conscious life.  The results of my work will play out in how I interact with my family....

I also am practicing gratitude.  I tend to get weighted down by what I feel I am doing wrong, when so much of what I do is just right.  I am reading The Gifts of Imperfection - Let Go of Who You Think You Are Supposed to Be and Embrace Who You Are, by Brene Brown, and I highly recommend it to everyone, along with Parenting From the Inside Out by Dan Seigel.  Both of this books have entered my life at the perfect time...

Thats all for tonight...  Much love and patience to all of you!

Hopefully this wasn't T.M.I.

Smiles ~ Casey

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