I have had the privilege of spending time with my very first best friend this weekend. A best friend that showed up in my life when I was 7 years old… One that has known me and loved me through my whole life – loved me and stood by me through all my stages of growth and development…
This is a friend that has loved me unconditionally, been honest and real with me, celebrated me, protected me, and shown up for me when I’ve needed her the most. We have shared so many experiences, laughed till I thought our faces would fall off, cried when things have seemed hopeless… Decades of friendship and crazy times are behind us…
And now, we are sharing another landmark experience.
She is a new mom.
I am here in Phoenix, loving on her and watching her fall in love and puzzle out this new way of being. For she is no longer living only for herself... She now has another human being, one that her body grew, to nurture and raise.
There are so many things I want to tell her… So many things that I want to share with all new moms…
Your child chose you, sweet mama. You really did get the child that you needed. Yes, I believe that your babies needs you, but an even bigger understanding that I have come to accept, it that your children come to teach you lessons.
You think you know yourself.
You think you know who you are.
You think you have grown into the human being you were meant to be.
And now you are a parent… you think you know what that means….
I love you mama, but you have no idea.
This baby has shown up and needs you.
But even more importantly, this baby has shown up because you need him.
He will teach you patience.
He will teach you acceptance.
He will teach you about your flaws.
He will teach you about your strengths.
He will show you your darkness.
He will show you the light.
And right when you think you are finished learning, he will teach you more.
You have a choice.
You may choose to see through the lens of already having all the answers...
Or, you may choose to develop a new lens, one of curiosity and openness.
Are you willing to grow?
Are you willing to recognize your own blindness and insecurities?
Are you willing to dig into the things that you have become so good at burying deep, deep down inside?
Are you willing to make mistakes and learn?
Are you willing to take the time to learn?
Are you willing to change your mind?
Are you willing to accept the messiness that is parenting?
This baby of yours, he will challenge you in all of this.
This child of yours… He has gifts, opinions, and desires.
He will very likely not be the person you dream he will be… He will be so much more.
And the best thing you can do is to know that he needs you to celebrate that, celebrate who he is in every moment of every day. Celebrate what is interesting to him, what his strengths are. Accept that he is his own person, his own spirit…
Hold space for that spirit to bloom…
Everything you need, sweet mama, lives inside of you. You have generations of wisdom running through your veins.
There will be times of anger and frustration…
Times of self-doubt and unworthiness...
Highs and lows that you didn't know were possible...
You are the mother he needs, just as he is the child you need.
This life, this precious life we are all given to live, is ours to create. The way that we move through the world, the relationships we build with our children, it matters.
So carry on, sweet mama.
Carry on and know that you are not alone.
For all across the globe, in every country, city and neighborhood, are other new mothers.
New mothers that are figuring out how to live this new life.
Figuring out how to know what their baby needs.
Being confronted by needs they never knew that they had…
Don’t be discouraged, sweet mama.
This baby has shown up for you.
Are you a new mama? Did this post speak to you? Please share this with others, parenting is a collective experience, and we all need to know we are not alone...
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