JCA Week Three

Finding Solutions and Declaring Boundaries

Theory/background:

Welcome to week three, friends! We have been peeling back the layers for the last couple of weeks, and my hope is, as always, that you are trying on the tools being shared. I am hopeful that the content you are taking in through the webinars is broadening your understanding and openness to what is currently alive in your home.

This week we are going to stand on the belonging and significance foundation, continue to strengthen relationship, and focus on solutions and boundaries.

This is more of a mindset shift that you would expect. We come from a culture that is always searching for someone to blame. And while talking responsibility for our actions is deeply important, looking for blame doesn’t necessarily solve the problems that we are having. And it is short sighted to think that taking the blame in any ways supports a person in being BETTER.

Finding solutions to problems is expansive. It considers the what and the why of a challenge. It gets under the surface and supports our kids in developing the skills they need to do better next time. And get this: solutions are always consequences, consequences are not always solutions.

I know, you might need to read that again.

Consequences are a hot topic in the parenting world. Many of us have been conditioned into thinking that giving consequences when our children make mistakes is the only way they learn. And fear plays a heavy role when we consider that there may be other, more helpful ways of learning from mistakes. Plus, I mean, how can we hold boundaries if we can’t threaten with consequences for when they (inevitably) cross the line???

We will be getting into all of this during the webinar this week, including tools for you to practice as well!

So grateful to be learning with you.

Resources:

Choose to check out some or all of the resources listed below to further your learning the week.

PODCASTS:
There are so many that connect with content this week!! Don’t feel like you need to listen to all of them, but do check a couple of them out!
Episode 2: A conversation with Ariadne Brill about Making Agreements and Building Relationships
Eps 24: Navigating Power Struggles with Debbie Zeichner
Eps 30: Setting Limits with Sarah MacLaughlin
Eps 37: Dr. Laura Markham on holding space for siblings to get along
Eps 48: Taming the Toddlers and Haters with Julietta Skoog
Eps 57: Sharon Ballantine Talks Teens and Their Need to Pull Away
Eps 60: Sandy Blackard Helps With the WHINING
Eps 67: Nicole Schwarz and I puzzle out sibling conflict questions from the community
Eps 69: Laurie Prusso Hatch Helps us Understand Hurtful Behavior in Young Kids
Eps 73: Dr. Ross Greene Schools us in Effective Problem Solving
Eps 90: Larissa Dann is on Talking About How to Let Go of Consequences and Rewards
Eps 99: Casey is Solo Exploring Boundaries, Agreements and Screen Time
Eps 97: Casey is solo! Connecting before Correcting, Problem Solving and Empowering our Kids
Eps 106: Becoming Calm Responders with Alexandra Hughes
Eps 117: Solo show - A Bit About Choosing in, Being Kind and Firm, Making Agreements and Following Through
Eps 119: Solo Show - Deconstructing Natural Consequences and Personal Responsibility
Eps 143: Mary Nelsen-Tamborski Talks About Making Mistakes and Being Raised with PD
Eps 158: Kimberly Muench talks about the tight rope walk of raising teens

BLOG POSTS/ARTICLES:
Parenting Without Consequences? Uh, what? - Joyful Courage Blog Post
Three Tools for Taking Back Bedtime - Joyful Courage Blog Post
What was our agreement? - Joyful Courage Blog Post
3 Mistakes and 3 Tools for Inviting Our Kids to do Chores - Joyful Courage Blog Post
Routines that Invite Cooperation - Joyful Courage Blog Post
Routines - Positive Discipline Blog Post
Agreements - Positive Discipline Blog Post
Sibling Fights: Putting Kids in the Same Boat - Positive Discipline Blog Post
Understand Why Siblings Fight and Help Them Start Getting Along - Positive Parenting Connection Blog Post

HANDOUTS:
Co-Creating Routines
Making Agreements and Following Through


Webinar Replay:

Replay will be posted ASAP on Monday, October 15th

Click on the image to watch the recording of this week’s webinar.

For a handout of the slides, click here.

Community:

We all learn better in community.

Voxer -

Thank you to everyone who has joined our Voxer group! Feel free to use this space as a forum for discussion. I will be looking at messages left ON FRIDAY during “office hours” (that is pretty much all day on Friday) to respond to. Remember, what is alive for the individual is alive in the collective, so listening to the challenges of others, and the feel back they receive is useful, a gift.

If you would rather send me a private message with your question, you are welcome to do that as well.

Voxer is an app you will need to install on your phone. Click here for instructions on how to download Voxer to your device. Once you have installed Voxer, search for me by my name, Casey O’Roarty. Once you have found me, send me a message letting me know you have arrived! I will then add you to our group, JCA Fall 2018.

FG Group -

Jump in here! Share about how you are making sense of the content, the tools you are putting into practice, and what the results are. The FB Group is a place for support and celebration of this messy work of parenting. If you haven’t joined, click here.