EPS 49: Talking Point from the Stanford Sexual Assault Case and the Orlando Shooting With Amy Lang and Jen O'Ryan

Welcome! Today’s episode features TWO guests, Amy Lang and Dr. Jen O’Ryan. Amy is a sexuality educator who helps parents have conversations with kids about healthy sexuality; she previously joined us for Episodes 8 and 33. Jen holds a PhD in human behavior and specifically works with children and adolescents in gender minorities, especially LGBTQ kids. She joined us for Episode 35. These conversations were prompted by the important talking points which emerged from two recent news stories: the Stanford rape case and the Orlando nightclub shooting. Join us for these important conversations!

What you’ll hear in this episode:

From Amy:

  • The Stanford case boils down to consent: How do we help our kids be smarter than that?
  • Bad decisions and entitlement: a dangerous mix
  • Teach kids about consent: Use the words permission, asking and giving, and agreement.
  • When everyone is “out of their heads,” there is NO CONSENT!
  • Yes means YES. No means NO. Stop means STOP!
  • With young kids, respect their right to say no to unwanted hugs/kisses; as adults, ASK for a hug/kiss.
  • How to use transition phrases to awkward moments
  • “Tricky people”
    • Be explicit with kids about family rules.
    • Plant seeds about sexuality conversations.
    • Teach them NOT to expect entitlement.
  • Amy’s book about dating, to help kids figure out their dating values (See Resources below)
  • Why we need to model conflict resolution for our kids
  • “Yes” girls and red flags in dating—Are you ready for sex?
  • Be open, available, and neutral for your kids.

From Jen:

  • With news of any tragedy, it’s better to give kids small pieces of information that they can process rather than overwhelm them with ALL the details.
  • How to “check in” with your LGBTQ kids
  • Jen’s experience in London this week with a drag queen show paying tribute to the Orlando victims
  • Adults have communities and support systems in place, but most kids don’t.
  • The human element of these victims: brother, sisters, sons, daughters, mothers, fathers, etc.
  • Social change is a product of humanization.
  • The verbage to use? LGBTQ, queer, etc.
  • Remember that kids process information at different speeds than adults.
  • Have conversations with kids about safety, dangers, reassurance, and empowerment.
  • The best response is always unity and solidarity.
  • With 5-7 year olds: listen and watch how they play, and make space for them to express feelings.
  • With older kids: create safe spaces for them to talk, and check for signs of depression or social withdrawal.
  • It’s OK to talk about it!

Resources:

Dating Smarts: What Every Teen Needs to Know to Date, Relate, or Wait by Amy Lang
www.birdsandbeesandkids.com
www.birdsandbeescourse.com (Amy’s new online course for parents!)
www.savvyparentssafekids.com
Tea Consent video (on youtube!)
www.mykidcameout.com  (Jen’s website with resources, blog, and email info. Find her on Facebook, too!)
Healthy Sex Talk: Teaching Kids Consent, ages 1-21

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