Holding space for having a 15 YEAR OLD!! WHOA!!
What is happening in the BIZ
Membership is HAPPENING
Alumni group calls
What is happening in the collective is happening in the individual
I speak to the community and I am speaking to myself
TRUST – BIG PICTURE – MARATHON NOT A SPRINT
How to “hold the container”
Jessica talking about “our job is to be the container”
Present, available, confident – even as our kids are making mistakes
I got you – I am unconditional
Our response matters
Who we be comes before what we do
We can handle it
Everything will be ok, or not, either way, we stand by our kids
We trust that they can handle what life gives them, and we support them inside of that (the world’s consequences, etc)
What to do becomes more clear when we practice being in the moment, vs in our emo/fear
Learn how to recognize we are there when we are there
Practice being with our overwhelm without letting it takes us over (observers)
Simple but not easy!!! Takes time!!
What we are trying to do is REWIRE the brain (Tina Bryson show 126)
Be witness to the presence of the emotional freight train, but let it idle
My book!!! Next Fall!!! WOOHOO
Our kids make mistakes
Lagging skills/ impulse/ brain development – DON’T BE SURPRISED BY IT
Cause and effect
Pushing boundaries to know where they are and who YOU are in the process
Making judgements about themselves and their peeps
Trust? Safety? Dependability? Can they handle this???
BUT WHAT DO WE DO???
Alfie Kohn, Unconditional Parenting – “I am not going to sit here and pretend that I have all the answers to all of your problems. I don’t know you or your families…”
What are the outcomes that you want? What are the skills that you are hoping that your adult child will one day embody?
What are the skills your child is showing you (through behavior) that they are missing?
What is a solution to the challenge that will help them learn those skills?
Is there something to “make right”?
How can you say less and listen more???
Remember – finding solutions to problems, including a “plan for next time” or a “plan to fix the mistake/make things right,” finding solutions are always consequences – HOWEVER consequences that we impose on our children are NOT always a solution to problems.
WHAT DO WE DO often is a request for “what do we do to them?”
Kids do better when they feel better. – Jane Nelsen
Kids want to succeed, they don't always know how. – Ross Greene
A Misbehaving child is a discouraged child. – Rudolf Dreikurs
Humans are always moving towards a sense of belonging and significance, am I connected? Do I matter? – from Aderian Theory
The most powerful tool you have for influencing behavior is the relationship that you nurture with your child. Choosing into the work of Joyful Courage, which really means being willing to grow and practice awareness, being present to your child and your experience, and hold space for your kids, no matter how they are showing up, THIS will nurture and preserve relationship.
So – what do you think? Does this make sense to you?? Do you have thoughts about this?
Come join the community discussion over in Live and Love with Joyful Courage. This is a closed FB group for listeners and parents that appreciate this conversation and are committed to learning and supporting each other on the journey.
Thank you so much for listening today – super DUPER appreciate all you moms and dads out there doing the work of making the world a better place through showing up well for your children!!
I will be back next week with Liz Blackwell-Moore talking about teens and drugs – GAH!!! I know – it’s scary, but listen anyways because she is brilliant and the conversation is helpful!!