Eps 181: A Solo Show Exploring The Myths and Realities of Positive Parenting

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Hey there!!!

I’d like to start by giving a shout out to the most recent review that the show has received on iTunes – form You are my sunshine

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I hear from so many of you about how this podcast support you – if you will, please take the time to write a review – it helps the show in so many ways, one of which is that it makes it more likely to get in front of new listeners!!  Thank you –

Myths of Positive Parenting

  • That everything is peaceful all the time

 PD activity that shows the continuum between kindness and firmness parenting styles

Kind AND firm can feel elusive

We are all human beings having a human experience

  • That kids don’t get into mischief

Kids and teens are perceiving what is happening around them, and making meaning out of what they are perceiving. They filter the world through their individual, developing lens – it makes sense that they get it wrong and response in a way that seems….  well…. Inconvenient.

Our kids and teens are in the process of DEVELOPING and LEARNING life skills. They’ve had limited experience. They are doing the best they can with the tools they have.

  • That you will enjoy every minute

Uhmmm, who started this rumor??  I guess there are parents out there that truly are in bliss-land all the time when it comes to their kids and parenting. I honestly don’t KNOW them, but maybe they exist. We can love our kids UNCONDITIONALLY, with NO DOUBT, for SURE, AND not enjoy every single minute. AND this does not make us bad parents.

Realities of Positive Parenting

  • It takes work

Many of us are coming into parenting with all sorts of baggage, and we are all on different parts of the journey of self awareness. Having children, I think, gives us a choice – 1. Resist growing and evolving and stay stuck in power struggles and pain, or 2. Be open to learning and growing and enjoy a connected relationship with our children.

And being open to learning and growing is no small thing. The journey puts everything that we believe, everything that we know to be true in front of us with the question, “what if this isn’t true?” “what if there is another way to see this?” “what if this is simply MY truth?”

And then we get to decide how tight to hold on, how attached to remain --- its wild!

  • It is more about your self regulation than anything else

I read a great article by Mona Delahooke about challenging behavior and self regulation. She says, “Too often what we expect from children makes a false assumption: that children possess “top-down” control that allows them to think about their bodies and minds and control their behaviors. The truth is that may behaviorally challenged children don’t yet have this ability.

Parents tend to believe that if a child sometimes displays control, then the child always has the ability to do so. That mistaken belief reveals an expectation gap—a disparity between adults’ assumptions and a child’s abilities.”

And – “Self-regulation is a developmental process that we can nurture and encourage in one way: through the experience of emotional co-regulation with caring and attuned adults.”

I love this, because it aligns with what I believe – this work is about US getting our shit together. Yes, of course we want the same for our kids AND, like Dr. Delahooke states, it requires parents to be regulated and attuned to their kids. Toddlers to teens, people.

  • You child’s behavior is not an accurate indicator of “doing it right”

This is a biggy – all along the way, right? From how they potty train to whether or not they experiment with substances – we are quick to take the blame when things go sideways. And while I DO believe there are ways of being in relationship with our kids that support them in learning and growing, there are also other factors at work – like brain development, temperament, beliefs they have about themselves and others, relationships they are navigating….

What if instead of judging ourselves by our children’s mistakes and mis-steps, we flip the whole thing over and start to tune in with what our relationship with our child is…??

Ask yourself, what does it look like when your child screws up? How are you showing up for them? What are the dots they are connecting? Is there space for them to actually TAKE and HOLD responsibility, or are you, perhaps, unknowingly holding that responsibility?

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This has been coming up SO MUCH lately, with the parents in the Parenting Teen Academy that I am running, as well as with private clients AND in my own home. We have a vision for our kids, don’t we? I mean even the most evolved of us want our children to grow into healthy, happy, fulfilled adults, right? How many of us are asking our kids what THEY want? I know that is kind of a “duh” question, but really – WHAT DO THEY WANT?

And I am going to make a very unscientific, not yet backed by science claim, that kids in connected, supportive relationships with their parents, who have a basic idea of what they want, and are allowed to make mistakes, tend to feel that THEIR PATH IS THEIRS THE CREATE AND FOLLOW.

Doesn’t mean they don’t screw up, doesn’t mean they don’t feel the tension of failure – BUT THIS IS WHERE LIFE SKILLS GROW!! We learn through our experiences – and the learning goes next level when there is also someone there to love and support us when we flail 

  • It is messy

Period. It just is. And even the people that you know who really have it together experience the messiness in one way or another. Doesn’t mean there isn’t a lot of love. The messiness is a part of the territory, people, so grab a meditation cushion and settle in for the ride.

I say it all the time – I learned it from my friend and mentor, Jody McVittie – the most powerful tool we have for influencing behavior is the relationship with nurture with our kids.

And I have a special message for those of you with teenagers right now – there isn’t time to dick around. IF you are finding it difficult to connect with your teen, if you are feeling worried or scared about where you are at, if you feel like maybe you’ve missed the window, YOU HAVE NOT. There is room for you to learn some new tools, there is time to rebuild relationship. You owe it to your kids to try something new and different.

The Parenting Teens Academy is all about this! It is a VALUABLE 4 weeks of community and content DESIGNED to support you in growing connection and responsibility in your home.

Each week you get:

  • Positive Discipline philosophy and strategies, as well as content around personal growth, to weave into your daily life.

  • You get to be a part of a like minded group of parents who are IN IT WITH YOU and supporting you along the way.

  • You get and hour long one on one call where you and I get to focus directly on what is most important to you right now, with actionable steps for following through with the learning.

  • You get the ENTIRE Parenting Teens with PD Audio Summit as a resource to keep forever 

But you have to apply before April 7th.

I am capping the program at 20 participants, and applications are already coming in. I want to be sure that we are a good fit, and that you are ready to do the work and be a part of the community.

If you’ve made it this far, I am going be direct and just say – apply now.

Here is what current participants are saying:

“I am using the content daily and I am feeling like the house and kids are happy for it!”

“There have been so many "ahas" in this program! The things my teen is going through is exactly what he's supposed to be experiencing. Though many of his behaviors are challenging right now, they will serve him well as he becomes independent. A lot of my behaviors are because I have been taking these changes personally and because of fear, and my response is the part of the equation that I can control. Looking closely at my own behavior and gradually making changes to my approach will help me build and maintain a positive relationship with my teen.”

“I have so much confidence in Casey's leadership. It feels very vulnerable to discuss our family challenges with others and dig into my own emotionally raw places. Casey has created a safe and supportive class environment by sharing her own experiences, wisdom and vulnerability while setting expectations of confidentiality and trust within our group.”

I am going to be unapologetic about encouraging you to apply now for this program. It is making a HUGE difference in the lives of parents, and I really don’t want you to miss your chance!!

Go to www.joyfulcourage.com/jcapt for more info and to apply. You will also find testimonials there, and FAQs - That is www.joyfulcourage.com/jcapt - you will NOT be sorry. Again, I am taking applications through April 7th and the four week program begins Monday, May 6th.

CAN”T WAIT!!

Tune in again next week – I will be sharing an interview with Meagan Wilson – you may know her from Whole Family Rythms. She and I talk a lot about finding and creating flow in the routines of our family. LOVED this convo – until then – BIG LOVE!!

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Authentic Parenting Conference

Anna Seewald, host of the Authentic Parenting Podcast, and parent coach, has put together a steller day of learning and growing together in New Brunswick, NJ. I am so excited about it that I decided that I WANTED TO GO TOO!!

I am going to be there, Dr. Laura Markham will be delivering a keynote (ah-maze-ing), and the whole thing just looks like super soul care on fire.

If you are interested, click here https://authenticparenting.com/conference and use the discount code JOYFUL25 for $25 off the registration fee!!

Come play with me!!

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Joyful Courage Academy for Parenting Teens

SO EXCITED to be offering up this 4 week program for parents of teens that are looking for support and a connected community to tease apart the challenges of this season of parenting.

Applications are available now through April 7th.
The program will run form May 6th through May 31st.

For more information and to apply go to
www.joyfulcourage.com/jcapt

"This is great stuff. I appreciate it so much. I feel so much less alone and the positive discipline reminders are so helpful."
- Mama Sue, current participant of JCA Parenting Teens

"I really think a huge part of this program is you, Casey! You are so comfortable to talk to and hear from. Then combine that will the realness of the participants and I really am enjoying this!"
- Mama Bianca, current participant of JCA Parenting Teens

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Joyful Courage: Calming the drama and taking control of your parenting journey

This book is all about how to show up as a Joyful Courage parent so that you have better access tot eh tools you need in hot parenting moments – tools that are helpful and maintain connection with your child.

Presale is April 10th – as many of you as possible buying presale would be FABULOUS. I am going to have some special bonuses TBD for my presale buyers.

Official launch date is May 20th – OMG – so so exciting!!!

The best way to stay up to date on the book news is to join my newsletter list, if you haven’t already.  Sign up at www.joyfulcourage.com/join

Thank you to everyone that has been so encouraging on this journey!!!  I appreciate you and we are ALMOST THERE!!!!

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Be a Subscriber

Make sure to SUBSCRIBE to the Joyful Courage Podcast on Apple Podcast to get the latest shows STRAIGHT to your device!!  AND PLEASE rate and review the Joyful Courage Parenting Podcast to help me spread the show to an ever-larger audience!!

CLICK HERE to watch a video that shows up how to subscribe with your iPhone!

Eps 159: Solo show exploring the power and messiness of Positive Discipline

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  • Belong significance

  • Iceberg

  • Encouragement

  • Kind and firm

  • Presence/seeing/listening

 What I have learned over time

  • My own beliefs get in the way

  • Fear manifests as control and rigidity

  • Trust is the theme of my life

What it means to have a practice

  • Taking care of me

  • Exploring worthiness

  • Developing intention

  • Modeling what I want

  • Returning to the basics

  • Check assumptions

  • Read and learn about development!

    • What speaks to you???

    • So many people and programs…. What/who makes sense to you? Where do you feel seen?

Things to keep in mind

  • There is no perfect

  • Spirituality/energetics matter – this is bigger than me

  • Its messy, not formulaic

  • Blame serves no one

  • There is no end point

  • Finding a sense of peace inside of the chaos is life goals

  • Comparing is not useful – ever

You are the parent your child picked, not because you are perfect, but because you are you. Parenting is an opportunity to heal old wounds, to mend relationships, and grow as an individual, if you let it be

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Joyful Courage Academy

Participants will gain confidence and clarity, as well as practical tools for navigating the parenting journey with love, connection and presence through deepening their understanding of Positive Discipline.

The power and momentum of learning inside of a like-minded community, a safe space where you can stretch, share authentically, and show up vulnerably is hard to quantify. The Joyful Courage Academy was created to be that place for you. It is a deep dive into the work of becoming ever more conscious and intentional as you bump up against the challenges of raising your kids.

Sign up now – www.joyfulcourage.com/academy

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Become a Joyful Courage PATRON!

You can now find Joyful Courage at http://www.patreon.com/joyfulcourage and make a contribution to the show that you love! This is a opportunity for you to sign up to make a monthly financial commitment and support the sustainability of the podcast.

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50% off all the goods at www.joyfulcourage.com/shop

Intention Bracelets

Back by popular demand!! The Joyful Courage intention bracelets are back in stock and I am THRILLED to have been able to have had the community vote on the reminders that are on them…. Breathe, Pause, Trust, Surrender, Kindness – what do you need?

Daily Intention Cards

What do you think about the Daily Intention Cards???  These cards are designed to support you in your conscious, intentional parenting practice.

Joyful Courage Tanks

Wear your declaration!!  Joyful Courage tanks are CUTE and they are a great way to spread the word about this powerful work. Get yours now – good while supplies last!!

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Be a Subscriber

Make sure to SUBSCRIBE to the Joyful Courage Podcast on Apple Podcast to get the latest shows STRAIGHT to your device!!  AND PLEASE rate and review the Joyful Courage Parenting Podcast to help me spread the show to an ever-larger audience!!

CLICK HERE to watch a video that shows up how to subscribe with your iPhone!

 

Eps 143: Mary Nelsen-Tamborski Talks About Making Mistakes and Being Raised with PD

Join the Joyful Courage Tribe in our community Facebook group - Live and Love with Joyful Courage.  Raising our children while growing ourselves...

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Today’s guest is Mary Nelsen-Tamborski, a licensed marriage and family therapist in San Diego and also a certified positive discipline trainer and parent coach. Mary’s formal training is secondary to the life training she got from her mother, Dr. Jane Nelsen, a marriage and family therapist and author of all the positive discipline books. Mary is a popular keynote speaker, and workshop presenter. We are discussing mistakes as opportunities to learn. Join us!

“I find that these principles are universal so they are great, obviously for parents and children but it's also just human beings in general.”

"The lens that we see our kids out of is everyone being equally worthy of dignity and respect it's no wonder that how we treat our kids , it should be a mirror of how we treat our friends and how we treat our coworkers and the checkers at the grocery store. It's about human to human relationships."

"You have to break down to break through." `

What you’ll hear in this episode:

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  • How positive discipline impacts other relationships in our lives

  • Positive discipline as a theory and the reality of implementation

  • Mistakes as opportunities to learn and navigating shame

  • Solutions oriented problem solving versus consequences

  • Dealing with your own emotional stuff when encountering challenging behaviour

  • The role of regular family meetings

  • The importance of apologies

  • Making amends after we make mistakes

  • What to do when you "lose it"

  • Post-conflict communication and rebuilding closeness

  • Managing triggers and being called out on your stuff

  • Learning and growing as a family in positive discipline

  • Assumptions & consequences - 3 R's & 1 H

  • Brain development and consequences

  • Genuine curiosity and asking curious questions to improve communication

  • Curiosity as a way of being

  • Shedding ego to engage in a meaningful way

  • Connecting early to keep the lines of communication open for adolescence

  • Treating your children as friends - a positive discipline perspective

What does Joyful Courage mean to you?

I really think it's about accepting yourself as being an imperfect parent, that there's no such thing as a perfect parent. You would think I would have an amazing advantage being raised by the author, being trained and being a therapist. Like, I really should have this parenting gig down and there's a helpful reminder with my children daily that there is no such thing as a perfect parent and just having, like you had said in the beginning, progress.

Progress, not perfection and just really kind of being gentle with yourself that when you do blow it, because you will, having the courage to accept it, admit it, and then repair it and know that this courage stuff is never ending. We get opportunities to practice it daily and you can have joy in that when you accept, when you shift your thinking, as in, "Oh my gosh, I was imperfect, ha! I have an opportunity to teach my child that they get to be imperfect too and that we are in this journey together, this is the first time that I've been a mom of a 9 year or a 5 year old or an 11 year old, this my first time. I can read all the books in the world, I can even be raised by the author and guess what? It's still my first time." So, I'm doing the best I can and the courage to accept that I'm not perfect and we get to be joyful while we go through that process.

Resources:

Jane Nelsen’s book Serenity

Where to find Mary:
Website

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Mother’s Journey BALTIMORE 

Come to Baltimore in July 28th!!  Super excited to be circling up with mama’s to bring more connection, self growth and discovery to the community there! More info can be found at www.joyfulcourage.com/mothersjourney

Are you interested in bringing A Mother’s Journey to your community? Get in touch with me! All MJ workshops happening because people like you reach out and say COME! Fill the room with the mamas you love and enjoy a say of love and learning. Email Casey at casey@joyfulcourage.com to explore the possibility.

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All the goods at www.joyfulcourage.com/yes

Intention Bracelets

Back by popular demand!! The Joyful Courage intention bracelets are back in stock and I am THRILLED to have been able to have had the community vote on the reminders that are on them…. Breathe, Pause, Trust, Surrender, Kindness – what do you need?

DAILY INTENTION CARDS

What do you think about the Daily Intention Cards???  These cards are designed to support you in your conscious, intentional parenting practice.

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Be a Subscriber

Make sure to SUBSCRIBE to the Joyful Courage Podcast on Apple Podcast to get the latest shows STRAIGHT to your device!!  AND PLEASE rate and review the Joyful Courage Parenting Podcast to help me spread the show to an ever-larger audience!!

CLICK HERE to watch a video that shows up how to subscribe with your iPhone!

 

Eps 89: Noha Alshugairi Shares About Teaching Positive Discipline and Being a Muslim

Today’s guest, Noha Alshugairi is a “citizen of the world,” a licensed marriage and family therapist who practices in Newport Beach, California and Positive Discipline Trainer. We are discussing positive discipline in the Muslim home. Join us!

“I don’t need to be preaching what Islam says to us in order to be teaching Positive Discipline.” 

What you’ll hear in this episode:

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  • Diversity within the Muslim community (80 groups, with differing faith)

  • How Muslim teachings align with Positive Discipline principles (building social interest, fostering belonging and contribution, understanding the belief behind the behavior, encouragement, mutual respect, kindness and firmness at the same time, short-term vs long-term and focus on solutions)

  • How does Islam promote mutual respect?

  • The concept of obedience as it relates to both Islam and Positive Discipline

  • Doing the best you can with the tools you have – how excellence at 3 or 4 looks difference than excellence in adolescence

  • The impacts of hanging onto childhood hurt in adulthood

  • What non-Muslims are most surprised to learn about Muslim families

  • Concerns of Muslim parents – how to protect children from Islamophobia & how to build a cultural identity they can be proud of?

  • Finding peace through focus on your circle of influence and stepping away from victimhood

  • How to broaden your understanding and support for the Muslim community

  • Connecting with larger groups as minority group members to move past stereotypes

What does Joyful Courage mean to you?

Having joy while you are facing life. It’s difficult because life is not smooth sailing.

Resources:

Positive Parenting in the Muslim Home

7 Habits of Highly Effective People  

Where to find Noha:

 Website – Sakina Counselling

Website – Positive Parenting in the Muslim Home

Facebookl Youtube

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Weekly FB Lives are happening!!

Join me every Tuesday at 10am pst on the Joyful Courage FB page to hear about a new Positive Discipline tool that you can begin using ASAP.  Even if you are well versed in parenting with PD, you will take a way a renewed commitment and perhaps a deeper understanding of the tool.

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Join the Joyful CourageTribe in our community Facebook group - Live and Love with Joyful Courage.  Raising our children while growing ourselves...

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Make sure to SUBSCRIBE to the Joyful Courage Podcast on iTunes to get the latest shows STRAIGHT to your device!!  AND PLEASE rate and review the Joyful Courage Parenting Podcast on iTunes to help me spread the show to an ever larger audience!!

CLICK HERE to watch a video that shows up how to subscribe with your iPhone!

 

Eps 75: Marcilie Smith Boyle Shares Research and Brain Science Behind Positive Discipline

Today’s guest is Marcilie Smith Boyle, a Certified Positive Discipline Trainer and Certified Life and Leadership Coach who teaches Positive Discipline courses live and online, coaches individuals and groups on transitions and parenting, as well as life coaching and executive leadership coaching. We are discussing the science and research of Positive Discipline. Join us!

“ The tip of the iceberg is what you can see – that’s your child’s behavior, but underneath the surface so much more is going on.”

What you’ll hear in this episode:

•    Emerging neuro-scientific research about social psychology informed by function MRIs and PET scans.
•     Principles of Positive Discipline – looking underneath behavior to build skills for long term better behavior.
•    Adlerian theory, the foundation of Positive Discipline
•    The connection between behavior and a sense of belonging
•    How mutual respect informs better behavior
•    The right to dignity and the value of solutions relative to rewards and punishments
•    Intrinsic motivation, what it is and why it matters long term.
•    The social nature of humans and how that relates to theories of the hierarchy of needs
•    The link between physical and social pain and the connection between learning and belonging
•    The impact of fight or flight on empathy, learning and problem solving skills
•    Relatedness, competence and autonomy and the way they influence behavior and feed intrinsic motivation
•    The positive outcomes of met psychological needs in relation to health, creativity, persistence, flexibility, adjustment, well-being, enjoyment, cooperation, engagement and interest.
•    Why rewards and praise sometimes backfire: the relationship between contingent rewards, autonomy and behavior
•    Baby steps to deepen your positive parenting practice
•   The difference made when we get eye to eye with our kids

What does Joyful Courage mean to you?

Courage is about being brave, about feeling some fear but doing it anyways. That takes determination and focus. Courage has a feeling of seriousness. When you add Joyful to it, it adds some fun and lightness. Joyful Courage is about being courageous in a fun way. It’s a choice about how you want to practice your bravery.

Resources:

Positive Discipline
Social by Matthew Lieberman
Hidden Costs of Reward – Mark R. Lepper
 

Upcoming Offers from Marcilie:
February 8th:: 6 Obstacles to Peaceful, Positive Parenting – Free tele-class
Starting March 1st: Peaceful Parents, Cooperative Kids Interactive Virtual Workshop Series – 8 week series 

Where to find Marcilie:

Website l Facebook l Twitter

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Join the Joyful CourageTribe in our community Facebook group - Live and Love with Joyful Courage.  Raising our children while growing ourselves...

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Make sure to SUBSCRIBE to the Joyful Courage Podcast on iTunes to get the latest shows STRAIGHT to your device!!  AND PLEASE rate and review the Joyful Courage Parenting Podcast on iTunes to help me spread the show to an ever larger audience!!

Eps 10: Ending Entitlement with Amy McCready

Amy McCready on the Podcast – woop woop!!!

Amy McCready is a Parent Education MACHINE!  She has an amazingly popular Facebook community, and offers so many

Inspired by the work of Alfred Adler…

“The biggest difference comes when we change ourselves.”

Certified in Positive Discipline

Shout out to the recovering yellers!!

“...I love working with parenting and helping them bring out the best in themselves.”

Adlerian theory- strategies are based on respect, respect for the child and respect for the parent…  All human being have a hardwired need for belonging and significance.  We need to feel connected – to family, classroom, community.  I need to make a difference, feel like I matter…

Behavior is goal directed – always take it back to the child’s sense of belonging and/or significance..  Getting to the bottom of this is what lasts long term.  Get below the surface!

Connection without Entitlement??

It’s messy….

 The book begins with Mind, Body, Soul Time…  Spending one on one time and attention with your kids, where you are fully present, mind, body and soul.  You are fully present. Can be 10 or 15 minutes – this contributes “buckets” to belonging and significance to our kids.  Powerful opportunity for connection.

Create an environment that allows kids to learn that their actions and choices have outcomes - some positive,  some negative.  Entitled kids aren’t connected to outcomes.

Focus on - What went wrong?  What can we do different next time?

Natural Vs Logical Consequences…

“Solutions are always consequences, consequences are not always solutions.”
-       Jody McVittie

 They’re not helpless!! Take a step back – what are you currently doing for your kids that they are perfectly capable about doing for themselves?

There is a balance between helping each other out and when you are consistently doing things for them that they could be doing themselves…  Back off, little by little.

Biggest mistake that is feeding into the entitlement epidemic? Smoothing their way --- smoothing out all their potential obstacles to keep out kids from experiencing discomfort.  Does not give them the opportunity to develop resiliency.

What is a baby step for creating change for parents who recognize their have been contributing to the entitlement of their kids?  Shift responsibility for one or two things….

 Thank you Amy!!

Find Amy and her offers online:

www.amymccready.com
www.positiveparentingsolutions.com
Positive Parenting Solutions on Facebook

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