Eps 136: Kelly Bos talks about how NOT to become your child's inner critic

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Today’s guest is Kelly Flannigan Bos, MSW. Kelly is a clinical therapist focusing on individual, marriage, and family relationships. She helps people find meaning and joy in their relationships - with themselves and others. As a well-known relationship expert, she has appeared in a professional capacity in countless media markets as a guest and writer. Today we are discussing an article she wrote in November called, “I don’t want to write the script for my child’s inner critic.” Join us!

“We’re not always going to have the perfect reactions and we can certainly apologize when we haven’t kept our cool or done the right thing. There’s ways to model other things like resolution or forgiveness.” 

“Does a good brow beating make us feel better, more able to face the challenges ahead of us? Usually not. We often shame ourselves into inertia. Would we ever say these words to a friend? There is a better way. We can be kind to ourselves and get better results and I definitely want kind self talk for my kids." 

“It’s a constant journey but it’s one I know I want to be on so I just keep starting again and if I can be self-compassionate to myself, then I have something to give outside as well.”

What you’ll hear in this episode:

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  • The role of self-compassion in parenting

  • The three tenets of self-compassion

  • Moving past the isolation of the shame of not meeting our own expectations

  • Over-identification with our problems and how mindfulness can make a difference

  • Worry and the reality of the lack of accuracy of our future prediction

  • Phases of parenting and worry

  • Brain development and parenting – developmental challenges

  • Getting out of the emotional whirlwind

  • The role of self-comfort, recognizing and acknowledging our own suffering

  • Self-compassion as a way to build capacity for parenting challenges

  • Self-compassion and it’s relationship to compassion we can extend to others

  • Self-compassion for avoiding depletion

  • Making self-compassion part of common language in the family

  • Family meetings as a vehicle for communicating self-compassion

  • Separating the child from the behavior

  • Problem solving to avoid over identification with problems

  • Fear as a barrier to positive parenting

  • Self care as self-compassion

  • What to do when you have no room for self-care

What does Joyful Courage mean to you?

I think this question is such a great one and it changes often a little bit depending on what we are talking about but I wanted to bring it back to a self-compassion idea. So, joyful courage, when we talk about it today, I’m thinking it really means being able to be loving to myself, even when I don’t feel very lovable, be loving to myself and find that sense of happiness and peace and joy. So being able to push on through things, to hold myself, and know that I’m going to get through this, and I can do something different tomorrow, or I can continue to do it this way, whatever it is, whatever the message needs to be, courageously give yourself that message and you push forward and you’re loving and kind, not judge yourself and finding that you’re a part of many, many people struggling today and you’re not the problem. You’re okay in this moment.

Resources:

I don’t want to write the script for my child’s inner critic

Where to find Kelly:

Facebook l Twitter l Instagram l Website l Youtube

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#Joyfulcourage10 is a 10 day program to kick-start your work in growing awareness and bringing more intention to your parenting. Find out more at www.joyfulcourage.com/jc10

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Mother’s Journey

Are you interested in bringing A Mother’s Journey to your community? Get in touch with me! All MJ workshops happening because people like you reach out and say COME! Fill the room with the mamas you love and enjoy a say of love and learning. Email Casey at casey@joyfulcourage.com to explore the possibility.

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Intention Bracelets

Back by popular demand!! The Joyful Courage intention bracelets are back in stock and I am THRILLED to have been able to have had the community vote on the reminders that are on them…. Breathe, Pause, Trust, Surrender, Kindness – what do you need?

DAILY INTENTION CARDS

What do you think about the Daily Intention Cards???  These cards are designed to support you in your conscious, intentional parenting practice.

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Eps 115: Solo show - Exploring trust and surrender as I navigate all there is to learn while raising a teen

Dedication: I love you Jessica, Micki, Stephanie and Jennette. Thank you for being my support and my safe harbor through the journey of raising teens.

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Solo show!  I am digging into my own trenches and what is currently alive in my experience of parenting two adolescent kids.  Pulling back the curtain to share what it means to truly pull back the curtain and TRUST the process.

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Content:

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  • The tension of being a parent educator WHILE IN THE EXPERIENCE of parenting

  • Parenting for the long term…

    • Keeping in mind brain development

    • Mistakes are opportunities for learning

    • Everyone should have a voice

    • Relationship matters

    • Kindness, firmness and trust

  • Bumps up against the mainstream idea of reward/punishment model

  • My own experience of punishment/consequences as a teen

  • Noticing the societal pressure of “she should pay for her mistakes” while also noticing that we have a really good relationship and are exploring her choices together

  • All we can do is increase the likelihood that our children will grow to be responsible, respectful members of society

  • In the process of learning to make choices, our children will make bad choices

  • I know I am not alone in this rub

  • We want our children to feel as though we are our safe harbor

  • Surrender is so complex… or maybe just the depth is profound

  • GRACE: workshop for women through boldlyembodylife.com

  • If trust is our intention, then we have to start with trusting ourselves

  • We then can evoke trust in our relationships

  • Then our teens can lean into trusting themselves (and getting it wrong sometimes)

  • The design of the universe is bigger than me, bigger than my child, and we are all going to be okay – might as well trust that God has our back

  • Trusting what I don’t know, what I can’t know, what I am still on the path to understanding

  • Fear grips the inside of my body, my energy tightens up – shorter breath, tight belly

  • “When fear is present, the teacher is in the room.” – Krista Petty Raimer

  • Events/ experiences are an invitation for me to evoke what I want more of in my relationship with my daughter

  • Neutral/ Think Tree – feeling our feet, grounding into our body, top of our body is open, flexible, available

  • Finding neutral is not about the absence of anything, but about the availability of everything (thank you Mary Jo!)

  • Neutral allows space for relationship with our children

  • The most powerful tool we have for influencing the behavior is the relationship we cultivate and nurture with them.

  • Lisa Damour – swimming pool analogy

  • There is flow and impermanence to the cycles of connection/disconnection that show up

  • Find your people that are going through similar experience and hold a similar parenting style to share raw and vulnerably

  • We are practicing all the time – either our auto pilot OR something new and different

  • Being intentional allows us to GENERATE more of what we want into our life!

  • DAILY INTENTION CARDS – 31 cards for setting a daily intention joyfulcourage.com/intentioncards coupon code: PODCAST for 10% off your first order J

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Mother’s Journey to Joyful Courage
PNW FALL TOUR!!

One more in 2017 – Boise, ID November 4th - This is for every mom
For more information, shoot me an email – casey@joyfulcourage.com
Or register now at www.joyfulcourage.com/mothersjourney

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Coaching with Casey

Are you playing with the idea of one on one coaching? I currently have a few spots available in my schedule and would LOVE to work with you.

Coaching with Casey is a three month commitment. We will explore your vision for parenting and even bigger, how you want to show up for your life. We explore mindset, and how shifts in mindset create big shifts in relationship. And finally, we deep dive into the tools and strategies of Positive Discipline for teaching, modeling and practicing life skills.

Coaching is an investment. If you would like to find out more, and explore the possibility that coaching is a good fit for you, schedule a 20 minute explore call.  Click here and we will schedule our call!

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Make sure to SUBSCRIBE to the Joyful Courage Podcast on iTunes to get the latest shows STRAIGHT to your device!!  AND PLEASE rate and review the Joyful Courage Parenting Podcast on iTunes to help me spread the show to an ever larger audience!!

CLICK HERE to watch a video that shows up how to subscribe with your iPhone!

Eps 97: Casey is solo! Connecting before Correcting, Problem Solving and Empowering our Kids

Living Joyful Courage Membership Program

REGISTRATION OFFICIAL OPENS SATURDAY (but if you are seeing this now and are ready to sign up, YOU CAN!). Woohhooo --- so happy to be opening the doors again to the membership program!  Now is the time – join us!

Casey takes listeners through real scenarios shared by our parenting community. She takes us through the process of connecting before correcting, so that we can create solutions with our kids. She invites listeners to recognize the tools we are using that aren't helpful, and shares how to replace them with tools that help us connect. while also guiding them to work together and find solutions that empower them.

What you’ll hear in this episode:

  • How to show up and hold space for problem solving with your kids

  • Becoming aware of the rigidity and resistance when disciplining their kids

  • Recognize that often the best solutions come directly from our kids

  • Becoming aware of non-judgment and non-attachment and understand how this can positively influence the parent/child relationships

  • What does it look like to surrender and how this can become a practice of modeling

  • Understanding their developmentally appropriate behavior is not against parents – it’s their developmental phase.

  • Brain development plays a major role in behaviors.

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Into it?  Head over to the Young Living website and get yourself some!!  
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Register for the Living Joyful Courage Membership Program

“Being a part of the Living Joyful Courage Membership Program has encouraged me to continue practicing to be parent and person that I want to be. I choose my experience to situations. There's no easy answer to fix my kids behavior… It is more about how I be with my kids that creates a good experience versus what I do to make them listen to me.

Since starting this practice I feel stronger connection with my kinds, I feel a shift in myself,  and I believe I am the perfect mom for my kids…

Other should consider program because the parenting journey is not easy, and it's an ongoing practice. The support and information Casey provides, with emails, webinars, and coaching calls is so beneficial, and she provides it in a way that is easy to understand and put directly in the practice I have also found there is so much value in a tribe of parents sharing experiences, willing to listen, and offering encouragement and it reminds me that I am not alone on this journey.”

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Join the Joyful Courage Tribe in our community Facebook group - Live and Love with Joyful Courage.  Raising our children while growing ourselves...

:::::

Be a Subscriber

Make sure to SUBSCRIBE to the Joyful Courage Podcast on iTunes to get the latest shows STRAIGHT to your device!!  AND PLEASE rate and review the Joyful Courage Parenting Podcast on iTunes to help me spread the show to an ever larger audience!!

CLICK HERE to watch a video that shows up how to subscribe with your iPhone!

Eps 30: Setting Limits with Sarah MacLaughlin

Sarah is a social worker, a compassion coach, a play promoter and warrior for kindness...  How can an interview with her be anything BUT amazing???

We discuss limit setting, brain development and how to navigate our kids emotional outbursts in a way that is helpful and not hurtful.

Resources mentioned:

Dan Siegel: 
     - Whole Brain Child
     - Brian in the Palm of the Hand video

Where to find Sarah:
     - www.sarahmaclaughlin.com
     - Facebook
     - Twitter
     - Pinterest
     - Instagram

Helpful articles by Sarah:

Easing the Stress of Power Struggle

Why I Praised My Son for Threatening to Throw a Bowl at Me

How to Set Limits with Kids Without Harshness, Fear or Shame

Thank you for listening!!  
Don't forget to join the conversation over at the 
Live and Love with Joyful Courage page on Facebook!!