A solo show all about routines
There are a couple tools, that when put into place, make the whole parenting journey easier. You have heard me talk about special time, that one on one time that is so important for building relationship and a solid foundation of belonging and significance for our kids.
Challenges coming up in the LLWJC group
mornings, bedtimes, defiance, meltdowns, sibling issues
We find ourselves putting out fires
We find ourselves being overtaxed
We find ourselves slipping OUT of who we want to be and INTO crazy parent
This is also where we loose sight of the way that we are contributing to the chaos at hand….
We blame out kids
We fall into the trap of “it is always so difficult”
We forget that there is always a flow that comes after the ebb….
Yes, special time helps with the challenges mentioned about.
The relationship we nurture with our kids is what has the biggest impact on their behavior, absolutely.
AND, another tool that is super helpful to come back to, again and again, is co-creating routines.
Now, if you are someone with challenges in the morning, or after school, you may be thinking, but we have a routine, and it isn’t working!!!
Not all routines are created equal.
Routines are made to be modified and changed up
Routines designed to be HELPFUL for everyone will be the most USEFUL
This is not about getting your kids to do what you want them to do
This is about helping your children feel like capable, contributing members of the family
This is about the process, the opportunity that exists inside the challenge that is currently at the surface
Take a deeper look…
Co creating routines means that you are CO CREATING
Find a time of day when everyone is feeling good, connected
Opening up the conversation to child about how they experience the challenging time of day, validate their feelings, listen and let them know you are taking their sharing to heart – this is not time to talk them out of what they are experiencing or getting them to “see your side”
Clear out the space through taking accountability for your behavior. This is really important.
Ask for their help to make that time of day easier/better for everyone
Offer/counter offer if you need to
Be open to their ideas
Be firm/not rigid around your non-negotiables
“This is what is important to me, how could we make that work?”
“What is your idea for that?”
Cross off anything that isn’t related/reasonable/respectful/helpful on the list
Work together to create a visual reminder
Try it for a week
But, but, but what if it doesn’t “work”
Shifting to what is “helpful”
Focus on the process
TRUST the process
Let the routine be the boss
Revisit at the end of the week and tweak if necessary
So many routines….
Take it slow – let go of urgency
How you show up matters
Be in your practice of curiosity and openness – catch yourself when you want to judge (roshambo/coin flip) Currently in a new routine of turning screens off from 5-7. This is a slippery place for us….
Recently posted a handout on the live and love page – will put it in the show notes – for walking through this process. Let me know if you have any questions!
Chaos to Calm
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