Eps 178: Beyond Birds and Bees with Bonnie J Rough

Join the Joyful Courage Tribe in our community Facebook group - Live and Love with Joyful Courage.  Raising our children while growing ourselves...

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Today’s guest is Bonnie J. Rough, who is an author, journalist, and speaker focusing on families, health, education, parenting and sexuality. Her latest book is Beyond Birds & Bees: Bringing Home a New Message to Our Kids about Sex, Love, and Equality. has written recently for the New York Times on teaching young children about boundaries and consent and the value of childhood crushes, The Atlantic on both the link between sex ed and gender equality and improving school sex ed, the Washington Post on why it’s important to teach sex ed in mixed-gender groups, and New York Magazine on raising kids without sexual shame. Join us!

 

"What I learned is that the focus on helping kids wait longer is really not and should not be the end all. It’s really more about how can we prepare them to have a positive experience.”

 

“The Dutch parents who I met and the American ones too who have inspired me on this really are prioritizing their relationship with their kids over their ideals about what and when their kids will do things.”

 

“If we have those open lines of communication we actually have more control than if we forbid.”

 

“The more open and transparent we can be with our kids the better.”

 

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What you’ll hear in this episode:

  • Cultural differences between the US and Amsterdam around gender equality, nudity, and sexuality

  • Normalizing conversations about sexuality

  • Separating nudity from eroticism

  • Differences in sexual health outcomes between US and Dutch teenagers

  • Ways to keep lines of communication open with your kids

  • Double standards applied to boys and girls

  • Why helping your child maintain cross-gender friendships

  • The importance of knowing your kids’ friends

  • What the research says about teenage sex

  • What to do when you feel you’re late to the party in talking to your kids about sex

  • The importance of not having an agenda when having those curious conversations with kids

  • Owning when we feel awkward or uncomfortable

  • Navigating fear and baggage to become available for conversations with our kids

  • Expanding our own knowledge base to have better conversations

 

What does Joyful Courage mean to you?

Oh my gosh, to me joyful courage is all about that permission, that freeing sense of permission that I got from observing parents who knew that, you know, making little mistakes in a day to day conversation with our kids about healthy sexuality, it's meaningless, those little mistakes. The big thing that we're doing right, you know, having an interest in relating with them on the subject and so when I realize that, you know, it's not a thing to damage our kids by telling them too much, it's not a thing to damage our kids by telling them something that wasn't accurate one day and coming back, circling back to it another day. It's, you know, knowing that I could be gentle with myself and that we can actually have fun with the conversation once they kind of got to just be a thread through our normal life, you know, basically joyful courage for me is about going headlong into it, you know, with optimism and cheerfulness and hope and trust.

 

Resources:

Beyond Birds & Bees: Bringing Home a New Message to Our Kids about Sex, Love, and Equality

 

Where to find Bonnie:

Website

Twitter

Facebook

Instagram

 

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Joyful Courage: Calming the drama and taking control of your parenting journey

 

This book is all about how to show up as a Joyful Courage parent so that you have better access tot eh tools you need in hot parenting moments – tools that are helpful and maintain connection with your child.

 

Presale is April 10th – as many of you as possible buying presale would be FABULOUS. I am going to have some special bonuses TBD for my presale buyers.

Official launch date is May 20th – OMG – so so exciting!!!

 

The best way to stay up to date on the book news is to join my newsletter list, if you haven’t already.  Sign up at www.joyfulcourage.com/join

 

Thank you to everyone that has been so encouraging on this journey!!!  I appreciate you and we are ALMOST THERE!!!!

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The Parenting Teens With Positive Discipline Audio Summit is a deep dive into the messiness of parenting through the teen years and beyond. Each of the featured guests speaks candidly from both their wisdom as parent educators, as well as their real life experience of raising their own teens.

 

Check it out – www.joyfulcourage.com/teensummit

 

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Eps 174: Learning to be a more mindful communicator with Oren Jay Sofer

Join the Joyful Courage Tribe in our community Facebook group - Live and Love with Joyful Courage.  Raising our children while growing ourselves...

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Today’s guest is Oren Jay Sofer, the author of Say What You Mean - A Mindful Approach to Non-Violent Communication. He leads retreats and workshops on mindful communication at meditation centres and education settings around the US. Oren is a graduate of the IMS Spirit Rock teacher training program. He holds a degree in comparative religion from Columbia University, teaches in the Insight Meditation community and is a Somatic Experiencing Practitioner and a certified trainer of non-violent communication. Oren creates mindfulness training programs for a number of organizations including Mindful Schools, Kaiser Permanente, and 10% Happier. He lives in Richmond, California. Join us!

 

"If we can’t actually listen to each other and have a meaningful conversation when we disagree, it’s impossible to work together to address the challenges that we’re facing”

 

“We can’t wait for the opportunities where presence is needed to practice presence.”

 

“Even when we can't meet our child's needs we can help them to know and recognize that their needs matter to us.”

 

“Our feelings are a reflection of our needs.”

 

What you’ll hear in this episode:

·       Being in response vs reaction

·       Communication as a way of navigating conflict mindfully

·       3 foundations for successful conversations and effective communication

·       The role of presence in communication

·       The ambient stress of raising a child

·       Owning our responses in times of stress

·       Exercising self-compassion in relation to parenting-related stress

·       Integrating moments of awareness into your day

·       Creating daily rituals into mindfulness

·       Mindfulness as a way to mitigate cumulative stress

·       Mindfulness as a way to be present in our relationships

·       Mindfulness as awareness and a way to raise our baseline kindness and presence

·       Preparing for parenting with mindfulness through practicing

·       Practice as a way of creating a new way of being

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·       Creating awareness of the impact of our actions on others

·       Discussing our needs instead of blame

·       Being realistic about our ability to meet all of our child’s needs

·       Intention in communication and mindfulness

·       Approaching communication from a place of curiosity and care

·        Curiosity as a way of being

·       The need for intention to be genuine

·       Feelings of a reflection of needs

·       Increasing emotional literacy to enhance communication

·       Helping children to problem solve as an alternative to “consequences”

·       Connecting before correcting

·       Conflict as an opportunity for learning

·       Where to start when you realize you need to improve your communication

·       Learning to pause, be curious and consider the needs of others

·       Connection through perspective shift

 

What does Joyful Courage mean to you?

So I think what joyful courage means to me is it's rooted in the recognition that the places that we struggle, the places that we're scared of the places that we feel pain actually hold the precious gift of our own freedom and when we recognize that having the courage to turn towards those places and to actually include them in our life and learn from them becomes a process that's joyful because we know why we're doing it. It's not just about “I've got to trudge through this” but we've experienced to some degree and have a deep faith that there's there's actually a gift waiting for me on the other side.

 

Resources:

Say What You Mean book

Parenting From Your Heart: Sharing the Gifts of Compassion, Connection, and Choice (Nonviolent Communication Guides)

Text “guided” 44222 to sign up for a short ebook and free guided meditation series

 

Where to find Oren:

Website

Instagram

Facebook

Twitter

LinkedIn

Youtube

           

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Buy the Parenting Teen Audio Summit!

The Parenting Teens With Positive Discipline Audio Summit is a deep dive into the messiness of parenting through the teen years and beyond. Each of the featured guests speaks candidly from both their wisdom as parent educators, as well as their real life experience of raising their own teens.

 

Check it out – www.joyfulcourage.com/teensummit

 

:::::

Be a Subscriber

Make sure to SUBSCRIBE to the Joyful Courage Podcast on Apple Podcast to get the latest shows STRAIGHT to your device!!  AND PLEASE rate and review the Joyful Courage Parenting Podcast to help me spread the show to an ever-larger audience!!

CLICK HERE to watch a video that shows up how to subscribe with your iPhone!