Eps 65: Raising Boys with Tosha Schore

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Today’s guest is Tosha Schore, known online as “Your Partner in Parenting Boys” and a mom of 3 boys. She partners with parents to help their boys thrive – teaching parents to practice self care, connect with their boys deeply to encourage open communication, coaching them to set limits in a loving way and to use play strategically in their parenting. Join us!

“My mission is to make a more peaceful world, one sweet boy at a time.”

 “Parenting is difficult because to do it well you must look inside yourself; you need to know what makes you sore and what really pushes your buttons. Looking at oneself, really looking inside is a challenge, the thing is, the consequence of not looking at oneself is even worse.”

“If we want to guide our children well, we have to first look at our own stories.”

What you’ll hear in this episode: 

  • The value of getting ourselves into “good parenting shape” and listening to each other non-judgmentally to ease frustration

  • The importance of boys being able to feel their feelings and avoid the “boiling pot” – embracing the body’s natural way to heal from our hurts

  • What keeps parents from feeling like it’s ok for their boys to feel their feelings?

  • Learning to be unattached to your child’s reactions to limits

  • The impact of isolation on the parenting experience

  • Stereotypes of masculinity and how they impact emotional intimacy

  • How to transition your boys from exhibiting aggressive behaviors to being more calm and increasing accountability by reducing fear

  • The importance of not losing sight of your boy’s goodness despite poor behavior

  • Working towards discipline from a place of connection

  • The value of being curious about what’s underneath anger

  • How to parenting in a way that honors the developing brain

  • Addressing off-track behaviors through connection and taking a proactive approach

  • Helping kids handle the pressure to save face

  • Techniques to address separation anxiety

  • How to set healthy limits in a loving way while creating safe spaces for exploration

  • Supporting boys through loudness and recognizing it for what it is

What does Joyful Courage mean to you?

“Working in this life for what you feel is important – being you. Courage means being me and supporting my children and the people I know to be them fully. There’s nothing more joyful than being real and full and who you are and the gift you have to give.”

Resources:

Positive Discipline – Jane Nelsen

Listen – 5 simple tools to meet your everyday parenting challenges – Tosha Schore & Patty Wipfler

 Where to find Tosha:

Facebook
Twitter
Her website

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Join the Joyful CourageTribe in our community Facebook group - Live and Love with Joyful Courage.  Raising our children while growing ourselves...

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Make sure to SUBSCRIBE to the Joyful Courage Podcast on iTunes to get the latest shows STRAIGHT to your device!!  AND PLEASE rate and review the Joyful Courage Parenting Podcast on iTunes to help me spread the show to an ever larger audience!!

 

Eps 45: Deborah MacNamara helps us Make More Sense of our Kids (and humans in general)

Dr. Deborah MacNamara is a brilliant voice in parent education and if was so fun to get to know her on the podcast!

From her website:

Dr. Deborah MacNamara is on Faculty at the Neufeld Institute and author of Rest, Play, Grow: Making Sense of Preschoolers (or anyone who acts like one) She presents, teaches, and writes on all facets of child and adolescent development based on the relational-developmental approach of Gordon Neufeld. She is also in private practice where she offers counselling services to parents and professionals in making sense of learning, behavioural, and developmental issues in kids. Deborah is a dynamic teacher and experienced counsellor who makes developmental science come to life in the everyday context of home and classroom.

She was an amazing guest and I KNOW you will be left is awe of all you have learned while listening to our conversation!!

Show highlights:

  • Core of her work is making sense of kids, to the adults that are responsible to them

  • Childhood is the unfolding of human potential – separate social and adapted human beings

  • Rest, Play Grow is about children ages 2-6 years old.

  • It takes 5-7 years for brains to resemble adult brain. Before then, their brains are impulsive, they are all about themselves, their goal is to focus on oneself and become a separate person. They are ego-centric

  • Play is the leading edge of development

  • Warm up act in preparation

  • Most of the growth happens for this age during play – free of consequences, kids are free to be expressive and exploratory…

  • Children express emotions at play – keeps them balanced and at the surface

  • Play is the unfolding of our early occupations

  • Play that leads development when they are playing on their own…

  • Release a child to play after offering contact and closest first… they know their attachment needs are met an they can move into play.

  • … Under three they stay pretty close to parent

  • 2.5 – 3 signs of venturing out and spread their wings to try things our.  Promote this by using contact and closeness first and set them up to play, then slowly move away and give them space to play

  • What is the space that your child engages in?

  • Temperament matters – 1/5 children are more sensitive and stired up by their environment… they take a little bit longer to be satiated with connection

  • Give each child what they need for play to unfold

  • Resistance and opposition – counter will instincts – instinct to resist others when we are feeling co-ersed

  • We have our own agendas and they have theirs

  • Attachment – if a child is not in active attachment with us (engaged) we have kind of disappeared

  • Growth occurs within relationship – we want to keep them receptive to our message.

  • Acknowledging the child has their own interest and move forward anyways. Children do need to realize that at certain times, the resistance is futile.

  • The more the relationship is in tact, easier it is for kids to roll with it.

  • Say no and give them permission to have their feelings.

  • Emotional self control is something we can get to – over time.

  • Encourage expressing feelings

  • Help them feeling feelings

  • Mixing their feelings

  • Reflecting - that it is about the child’s relationship with own feelings

  • In the practice – get to a place of deepening and developing relationship with others

  • The relationship must be with oneself in before one becomes a social being

  • In order to have a relationship with oneself, an adult must have a relationship with us...

  • A child must know who they are first, before they become a social being… The adult is responsible for helping the child know who they are.

  • Help child become civilized relating with emotional expression…  Yes please, lets all make this our goal!!

Where to find Deborah MacNamara:
http://macnamara.ca/
Facebook
Twitter

BUY HER BOOK!! - Rest, Play Grow: Making Sense of Preschoolers (or anyone who acts like one)

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Want MORE??  Join the Joyful CourageTribe in our community Facebook group - Live and Love with Joyful Courage.  Raising our children while growing ourselves...

::::::::::

Make sure to SUBSCRIBE to the Joyful Courage Podcast on iTunes to get the latest shows STRAIGHT to your device!!  AND PLEASE rate and review the Joyful Courage Parenting Podcast on iTunes to help me spread the show to an ever larger audience!!

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