Eps 129: Solo Show - Using the Iceberg Metaphor to Understand Behavior

Content:

Solo show today – from the car….  Thank you for having grace for my audio quality this week!! Feeling inspired to share with you on my way to yoga class.

All about the Iceberg Metaphor

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  • Shout out to all the parents of teens out there who are showing up and sharing and willing to be vulnerable

  • Connecting seeing an iceberg as a metaphor for children’s behavior

  • Unwanted behavior is the “tip” of the iceberg

    • The behavior that we see

  • Under the surface -

    • What’s opening the door to the behavior?

      • Perception of connection

      • Perception of influence

      • Perception of mattering

      • Trauma/adversity

        • Kids are ALWAYS making meaning with their underdeveloped brain – and forming beliefs from that place

      • Lacking skills for navigating the challenges/emotions that show up

    • Moving from a place of strengthening relationship as a way to understand what is below the surface, to help us influence the behavior at the tip

    • Episode 104 on Making Amends

    • Always be moving towards nurturing relationship

  • What are some of the things YOU do to look under the surface? Head over to Live and Love with Joyful Courage and share!

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Eps 110: Finding the Need Beneath the Behavior with Alison Smith

Meet Alison Smith, mother to two adorable kids, proud wife, former elementary school teacher  and now teacher coach, advocate and revolutionary in win/win parenting.  Like many of us Alison had visions of being the best, doing the best and really being that one adult that impacted her students lives powerfully.  As a self identified recovering perfectionist, Alison entered the teaching world and become a mother. It did not take long to identify that something in the work with children had to change. Fueled by her passion and her journey, Aliso identified a need for teachers to feel supported in their work.  In her coaching, teachers are inspired and supported to be the most authentic, joyful and wholehearted teacher they can be.

IN THIS EPISODE:

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  • Alison shares Bonnie Harris’ iceberg analogy and how it guides parents to identify the underlying root of a child’s behavior.

  • Like a medical issue, we often treat the symptom until the symptoms persist then we are forced to find the root cause.

  • Realizing that the child’s behavior that triggers us is the root cause of our reaction and inability to connect and show up best for the child.

  • Only when we dig into our roots and what is underneath our icebergs can we better guide our children through their own experiences.

  • Triggers can cause us to panic and ‘future trip’ into fear about our child’s behavior, enabling us into unhelpful methods.

  • Using our curiosity to dig to the root - is my child hungry, tired, overstimulated, cold, hot, uncomfortable, lonely?.

  • Once we identify our triggers we can move into the practice of showing up the way our kids need us to. We chose connection and enforcement that they matter.

  • Often we misjudge our kids motivation and intention leading to disconnection and an increase in the child’s mischief.

  • Once a parent gets it and truly understands the process begins within the parent first then the practice strengthens and the child, family and parent begin to thrive.

  • There is no one perfect general response to situations with your child.

  • Practicing prevention, in-the-moment and then repair strategies alleviate and get to the root of the issue.

  • An open conversation on how parenting is shifting from authoritarian to permissive. Why parents today need something to change and are willing to find the courage to revolutionize how the adult/child relationship evolves.

 Where to find Alison:

Website l Facebook l Instagram l You Tube
Change the World in A Generation (video)

 

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Coaching with Casey

Are you playing with the idea of one on one coaching? I currently have a few spots available in my schedule and would LOVE to work with you.

Coaching with Casey is a three month commitment. We will explore your vision for parenting and even bigger, how you want to show up for your life. We explore mindset, and how shifts in mindset create big shifts in relationship. And finally, we deep dive into the tools and strategies of Positive Discipline for teaching, modeling and practicing life skills.

Coaching is an investment. If you would like to find out more, and explore the possibility that coaching is a good fit for you, schedule a 20 minute explore call.  Click here and we will schedule our call!

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Make sure to SUBSCRIBE to the Joyful Courage Podcast on iTunes to get the latest shows STRAIGHT to your device!!  AND PLEASE rate and review the Joyful Courage Parenting Podcast on iTunes to help me spread the show to an ever larger audience!!

CLICK HERE to watch a video that shows up how to subscribe with your iPhone!

Eps 103: Solo Show Digging Under the Surface of Bedtime Challenges

Join the Joyful Courage Tribe in our community Facebook group - Live and Love with Joyful Courage.  Raising our children while growing ourselves...

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Who needs sleep? If you think about your best parenting moments vs. your more challenging ones I think we could venture to say that sleep OR lack of sleep would be a BIG contender.  We have all been there. We move fluidly through that familiar bedtime routine, finish that last Llama Llama page, kisses, lights out….. We are no further from the kitchen when we hear “Mooooooooooom”!!! or Daaaaaaadddddeeeeeeeeeeee”! Sigh.

Mama Christine posted this week about her daughter’s sleep struggles “oh, tribe, apologies for the long post, but I'm in dire need of some help. bedtime. dear lord, my daughter is 5, and it. is. brutal. her bedroom is on the first floor, mine is upstairs. she's often hungry before bedtime, so we usually do a snack like high fat yogurt and fruit. after bedtime jobs are done, i read to her, we sing, and say our goodnights...generally 20ish minutes. nearly every night, she's out of bed for any number of 'reasons': need to say goodnight to the dog, still hungry, thirsty, needs to say something to me, needs to ask me a question, needs another hug, says she can't sleep (within minutes of me leaving her bedroom) and the list goes on”. 

Christine is not alone here, otherwise there would not be a book called Go the F@ck to Sleep . Let’s break this struggle down, so Christine can get some sleep and her little one can feel peaceful slumber.

What you will hear:

·      Iceberg view – top of the iceberg; requests, getting our of bed, one last… Under the surface; belonging and significance, influence, connection

·      Mischief showing up when we have misguided ideas about belonging and significance

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·      Getting curious, noticing lack of skills to complete task (ie going to sleep)

·      Getting curious so we can be solution minded, see where child has influence

·      Children long for connection, they settle for attention

·      Creating routines that help kids know what is happening and allowing them to have influence

·      Making agreements to help kids create boundaries

·      What is my child’s perspective?

·      Asking how am I feeding this problem?

Link to Deborah MacNamara

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Click here to find out more about A Mother's Journey to Joyful Courage - coming Fall 2017 to Bellingham, Seattle and Portland!

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Join the Joyful Courage Tribe in our community Facebook group - Live and Love with Joyful Courage.  Raising our children while growing ourselves...

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:::::

Coaching with Casey

Are you playing with the idea of one on one coaching? I currently have a few spots available in my schedule and would LOVE to work with you.

Coaching with Casey is a three month commitment. We will explore your vision for parenting and even bigger, how you want to show up for your life. We explore mindset, and how shifts in mindset create big shifts in relationship. And finally, we deep dive into the tools and strategies of Positive Discipline for teaching, modeling and practicing life skills.

Coaching is an investment. If you would like to find out more, and explore the possibility that coaching is a good fit for you, schedule a 20 minute explore call.  Click here and we will schedule our call!

:::::

Be a Subscriber

Make sure to SUBSCRIBE to the Joyful Courage Podcast on iTunes to get the latest shows STRAIGHT to your device!!  AND PLEASE rate and review the Joyful Courage Parenting Podcast on iTunes to help me spread the show to an ever larger audience!!

CLICK HERE to watch a video that shows up how to subscribe with your iPhone!