Eps 163: Solo show about raising boys, healthy masculinity, and growing emotional intelligence

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Solo Show this week!

First – continues thanks for all of the feedback around the last solo show, where I shared about navigating my daughters mental health issues. It means the world to me to know that the content of the show is landing for you, and making a difference in your life!

This week I am talking about our boys.

  • Toxic Masculinity

  • We have to do better for our boys

  • Partners – emotional intelligence is for everyone

  • Posturing

  • Fragile Egos

  • Curiosity

  • Routine of talking about how we feel

  • It’s not coddling – if we keep toughening them up and having them suppress how they feel we will continue to see cultures where war and violence exist

  • Not blaming

  • Not from a place of fear

  • We all get to be full humans

  • Boys and their fear of labels

  • Build Skills

  • More than just “walk away”

  • Saving face w/o being a dick

  • Being a champion

  • People like him. He can take criticism, doesn’t make people choose friends, and doesn’t blow off someone for a better offer. When people are harassed or demeaned, he intervenes. He’s comfortable hanging out with guys who are both inside and outside the box. He holds his own opinion, but still listens to others.

  • TALK ABOUT IT BEING HARD

  • VALIDATE THEIR EXPERIENCE

  • SUPPORT THEM IN RESPONSES TO LIFE

  • This isn’t helicoptering

  • Belonging significance influence

  • Aren’t feeling it, they will take it where they can

  • Posturing

    • Insecure OR entitled

    • All boys fall into a role where they feel safe

  • Talk to your boys

  • Keep talking

  • Talk about emotions

  • Check your “should/shouldn’t’ at the door

  • Be open, own your mistakes, encourage them when you see life skills on display

  • Love them up

Resources mentioned:
Masterminds and Wingmen by Rosalind Wiseman

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Eps 118: Tosha Schore Talks About How We Can Parent Our Boys For A More PEACEFUL World

What Fresh Hell Podcast Promo

You can listen to What Fresh Hell on your IOS device, Android or through the website

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 My guest today is Tosha Schore, M.A. Tosha brings a burst of energy and optimism to parenting, and will lift your parenting confidence! She is an expert at simple solutions to what feel like overwhelmingly complicated problems. 

A sought after coach, author and speaker, Tosha is committed to creating a more peaceful world, one sweet boy at a time. Through her online and in-person offerings, she supports parents to care for themselves, connect with their boys deeply, set limits lovingly, and play wildly. 

Tosha is a trainer of Hand in Hand Parenting and co-author with the organization's founder, Patty Wipfler, of "Listen: Five Simple Tools to Meet Your Everyday Challenges." She is also creator of the wildly popular "Parenting Boys Peacefully! A FREE 10-Day Reconnect," and the new online course, "Out With Aggression!" 

You can find Tosha on her website, www.toshaschore.com, and on FB at Tosha Schore, Your Partner In Parenting Boys.

Content:

Tosha.png
  • Raising boys in these days of toxic masculinity

  • Taking a hard look at the ways that men are conditioned

  • Creating a more peaceful world, one sweet boy at a time

  • The question of how to help our boys grow into emotionally intelligent men who don’t see women as objects is worldwide

  • How to help our boys grow up to be peaceful – Huff Post article

  • Move beyond the anger and the fear to what we can DO

  • Opportunity shows up in raising our boys

    • We need to teach our boys that there are lots of ways to be close that aren’t sexual

    • It’s ok to talk, cuddle, hold hands – lots of ways of being intimate

  • Documentary of The Mask You Live In

    • Not giving permission to boys for having intimate friendships with other boys

    • Navigating the jockeying for power among boys

  • Redefining what it means to be masculine

  • What is being modeled in the homes for our boys?

  • Increase our own emotional intelligence and pay attention to how we navigate and model our own upset

  • Boys being encouraged to stuff their emotions

  • Not comfortable with allowing our boys the time and space to have feelings

  • Help them feel comfortable with their full array of emotions – not just anger

  • Popular culture isn’t helpful

  • Advocate/ Fight for the right of our boys to have feelings

  • AND advocate for them to make mistakes and learn from them

  • When our boys make mistakes we need to help them

  • Talk about music lyrics and porn and do it when they are YOUNG

  • Amy Lang – parent educator, parenting through our children’s sexual development

  • Start talking to your boys

  • Don’t let your discomfort get in the way of letting our boys be their whole selves

  • Amy’s short video about having convos about sexual harassment/assault with our kids

  • Talking to our kids about standing up to friends who are harassing others

  • Seize opportunities for modeling/showing them what it looks like to “do what’s right”

  • Story of masculinity inside of supporting a woman on Reddit

  • Acknowledging that standing up for what is right is challenging!!

  • Teachable moments are when they make mistakes and getting into mischief

  • Final thoughts – “hurt people hurt people” – boys and men are hurting and therefore hurting others… when we help them heal from their hurts, we are solving the problem

Where to find Tosha:

www.toshaschore.com

10 day reconnect parenting boys peacefully

www.listenthebook.com

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Eps 65: Raising Boys with Tosha Schore

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IF THE PODCAST MAKES A DIFFERENCE IN YOUR LIFE, IF IT IS SOMETHING YOU LOOK FORWARD TO EACH WEEK, CONSIDER BECOME A PATRON! 
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Today’s guest is Tosha Schore, known online as “Your Partner in Parenting Boys” and a mom of 3 boys. She partners with parents to help their boys thrive – teaching parents to practice self care, connect with their boys deeply to encourage open communication, coaching them to set limits in a loving way and to use play strategically in their parenting. Join us!

“My mission is to make a more peaceful world, one sweet boy at a time.”

 “Parenting is difficult because to do it well you must look inside yourself; you need to know what makes you sore and what really pushes your buttons. Looking at oneself, really looking inside is a challenge, the thing is, the consequence of not looking at oneself is even worse.”

“If we want to guide our children well, we have to first look at our own stories.”

What you’ll hear in this episode: 

  • The value of getting ourselves into “good parenting shape” and listening to each other non-judgmentally to ease frustration

  • The importance of boys being able to feel their feelings and avoid the “boiling pot” – embracing the body’s natural way to heal from our hurts

  • What keeps parents from feeling like it’s ok for their boys to feel their feelings?

  • Learning to be unattached to your child’s reactions to limits

  • The impact of isolation on the parenting experience

  • Stereotypes of masculinity and how they impact emotional intimacy

  • How to transition your boys from exhibiting aggressive behaviors to being more calm and increasing accountability by reducing fear

  • The importance of not losing sight of your boy’s goodness despite poor behavior

  • Working towards discipline from a place of connection

  • The value of being curious about what’s underneath anger

  • How to parenting in a way that honors the developing brain

  • Addressing off-track behaviors through connection and taking a proactive approach

  • Helping kids handle the pressure to save face

  • Techniques to address separation anxiety

  • How to set healthy limits in a loving way while creating safe spaces for exploration

  • Supporting boys through loudness and recognizing it for what it is

What does Joyful Courage mean to you?

“Working in this life for what you feel is important – being you. Courage means being me and supporting my children and the people I know to be them fully. There’s nothing more joyful than being real and full and who you are and the gift you have to give.”

Resources:

Positive Discipline – Jane Nelsen

Listen – 5 simple tools to meet your everyday parenting challenges – Tosha Schore & Patty Wipfler

 Where to find Tosha:

Facebook
Twitter
Her website

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Join the Joyful CourageTribe in our community Facebook group - Live and Love with Joyful Courage.  Raising our children while growing ourselves...

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Make sure to SUBSCRIBE to the Joyful Courage Podcast on iTunes to get the latest shows STRAIGHT to your device!!  AND PLEASE rate and review the Joyful Courage Parenting Podcast on iTunes to help me spread the show to an ever larger audience!!