How we influence the iceberg
Clients come to me to talk about kids behavior
Battles over homework
Screen time addiction
Getting out the door
We are mega focused on fixing those problems
The iceberg- behavior we see is a solution to a problem that we may or may not know about
Example that we played with a few weeks ago in parenting class:
Child won’t get ready to go in the morning and family is late getting out the door
Two options for response:
What do I have to do to this kid to get her to cooperate?
Bribes, threats, punishments
What is happening for this child that is getting in the way?
Go to the source
Tell me about the mornings…. I notice that…. How are you feeling…..
With new information you can make a plan together to support the child (and you)n in doing better
Rowan talking about the future
Agitated, closed off, defensive
Often my response is irritated that she cant “have” the convo
We both are discouraged and the convo is over
Maybe I am engaging the wrong conversation
Helpful to know what shows up for her when the invitation is to talk about future
What is the experience?
IS it only with me or others?
Might there be a benefit to talking with someone else if not me?
What would be useful about having a vision of the future?
Deeper even still
I notice when this is the conversation you….. I am curious about that? How does it feel when…..?
Sometimes our kids refuse to go there….
How do we let go?
What do they need?
Recognizing/acknowledging our tendency to hold on/get rigid/ let fear or our agenda drive us….
Mutual respect – respect for child and for self and the situation
Honor who they are and their temperament
I am ALL IN, lets go deep and swirl around and grow and learn and be super transparent and get it all out – don’t hold back. I process out loud and in the moment…. This is not the way of everyone, def not my daughter.
Summing it up:
Recognize how we are contributing to challenges
Own it, and get curious about your child’s experience.
Identify the ACTUAL problem
Be an open, nonjudgmental listener
Look for solutions (related respectful reasonable helpful)
Honor who you child is in word and action
Before I go….
I have a really exciting update on my BOOK!!
Joyful Courage: Calming the drama and taking control of your parenting journey
This is all about how to show up as a Joyful Courage parent so that you have better access tot eh tools you need in hot parenting moments – tools that are helpful and maintain connection with your child.
Presale is April 10th – as many of you as possible buying presale would be FABULOUS. I am going to have some special bonuses TBD for my presale buyers.
Official launch date is May 20th – OMG – so so exciting!!!
The best way to stay up to date on the book news is to join my newsletter list, if you haven’t already. Sign up at www.joyfulcourage.com/join
Thank you to everyone that has been so encouraging on this journey!!! I appreciate you and we are ALMOST THERE!!!!
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