Eps 87: Lisa Fuller is on Supporting us With Shame Resilience

Today’s guest is Lisa Fuller.  Lisa Fuller, M.S.W., Certified Positive Discipline Trainer, Certified Professional Coach and a Certified Daring Way™ Facilitator, has been working with parents since 2005 to help them find joy and moment of peace even in the midst of chaos. Lisa’s a compassionate listener whose committed to empowering parents through Positive Discipline’s common sense principles. Having three children ages 21, 17 and 10, Lisa’s steeped in the challenges and joys of parenting. Lisa also offers one on one coaching for parenting and life! She believes the world is a better place when we—adults and children—strive to treat each other with respect and love.

Today we are talking about developing shame resilience.

“Shame is something that we all have. It’s universal. Every human being experiences shame – those who don’t usually have some significant problems. It’s not a bad thing. That’s one good thing about shame – it means you are a caring human being.”

What you’ll hear in this episode:

  • What is shame and why should we talk about it?

  • How positive discipline relates to shame

  • Shame and guilt – what’s the difference? How do they connect to humiliation and embarrassment?

  • The physical sensations of shame

  • The individual personal nature of shame

  • Practicing critical awareness – how to reality check the messages that are driving your shame

  • The value of having someone to talk through shame with

  • What makes a good person to talk shame with

  • How to encourage shame resilience in children

  • Reducing shame by normalizing experiences

  • Creating opportunities for belonging

  • What it means to lead with the message with love

  • How to connect without trying to fix

  • Empathy and shame – how to support when you can’t relate to the experience

  • Cultivating relationships that allow us to speak to our shame

  • How to show up in your relationships that shows you are a safe place to talk shame

  • Doing vs Being – their roles in building shame resilience

  • Personal practices for finding joy within instead of looking to our children to complete us

What does Joyful Courage mean to you?

Taking risks with heart. The courage is taking the risks and moving ahead and doing it but doing it with your full being. The last couple years I’ve had some very significant deaths in my life and I think in so many ways it’s been a gift – it does highlight joy, the simple joy of being alive and how I’m able to be more grateful that I have this gift of life which isn’t going to last forever. Losing people who are close to us that’s the upside is that we go “Wow, this is temporary, this life, it really is.” I think when we get caught in the swirl of parenting we can ‘beam in’ – these other, bigger issues help us beam out. Joy helps with shame and getting perspective.

Resources:

The Daring Way

Daring Greatly

Monthly Support Group (With Marcillie Smith Boyle and Lisa Fuller)

Where to find Lisa:

Website l Twitter l Facebook l LinkedIn

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Weekly FB Lives are happening!!

Join me every Tuesday at 10am pst on the Joyful Courage FB page to hear about a new Positive Discipline tool that you can begin using ASAP.  Even if you are well versed in parenting with PD, you will take a way a renewed commitment and perhaps a deeper understanding of the tool.

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Join the Joyful CourageTribe in our community Facebook group - Live and Love with Joyful Courage.  Raising our children while growing ourselves...

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Eps 81: Making room for empathy with Melissa Benaroya

Today's guest is Melissa Benaroya. Melissa is a licensed clinical social worker with 20 years of experience working with children and families. Melissa has a Masters degree in Social Work, is a Credentialed School Counselor and is trained in Positive Discipline. She is also a Certified Gottman Educator offering the Bringing Baby Home Program for families with young children and workshops on Emotion Coaching. Melissa practices as a parenting consultant, coach and speaker to groups and individuals by blending her clinical training with her knowledge of child development and discipline. In 2011 she co-authored the book The Childproof Parent.

Melissa lives in Seattle with her husband and two children and keeps her sanity with an active lifestyle of running and Crossfit!

“Empathy is the ability to feel and understand what another person may be feeling but ultimately … it means connection … and feeling understood.”

What you’ll hear in this episode:

·      Learning to use empathy as a first response and a parenting tool

·      Empathy as reflecting your child’s feeling back to them versus owning their feelings or relating our own personal experiences

·      How using personal experiences in place of empathy can escalate conflict

·      How to use empathy to help your child build emotional resilience

·      Using empathy effectively to help your child feel heard

·      Empathy as a practice and a gradual learning process

·      Childhood developmental milestones in empathy

·      How to model empathy for your kids

·      Using the “Fake It Til You Become It” approach to empathy in your parenting

·      Being mindful of your physical self in how you demonstrate and model empathy

·      Parenting from the couch as a barrier to empathy

·      Echoing, mirroring and repetition as empathy

·      The power of validation in feeling heard – when looking on the bright side gets in the way

·      Empathy as a transferrable skill.

 

What does Joyful Courage mean to you?

It takes courage to take risks and try new things and that’s where joy exists. It’s what parenting requires of us – taking risks and trying new things. Empathy might be taking a risk because it doesn’t feel natural and we are going to have to take lots of risks and try new things throughout our parenting journey. It not only makes us a better parent but it also helps us to grow as an individual and that’s where the joy exists.

Resources:

The Child-proof Parent
Presence: Bringing Your Boldest Self to Your Biggest Challenges

Where to find Melissa:

Website
Child-proof Parenting website
Facebook
Twitter

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FEED 3,000

LET'S FEED SOME PEOPLE!!

I would love to invite you to join me in making 3,000 snack sacks over the next three months and take them to organizations that serve the hungry!!

Not one of us can make all those lunches ourselves - BUT ALL OF US TOGETHER SURE CAN!!

So here is the plan, host a gathering at your house and invite other families over. Have each family bring some supplies and together make as many snack sacks as you can!!

Click here for the Feed 3,000 Facebook Event Link

Click her to go donate to the Feeding America page.

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Join the Joyful CourageTribe in our community Facebook group - Live and Love with Joyful Courage.  Raising our children while growing ourselves...

::::::::::

Make sure to SUBSCRIBE to the Joyful Courage Podcast on iTunes to get the latest shows STRAIGHT to your device!!  AND PLEASE rate and review the Joyful Courage Parenting Podcast on iTunes to help me spread the show to an ever larger audience!!