Eps 100: Dr. Tina Bryson Supports Us With Brain Informed Parenting

Dr. Tina Payne Bryson is the co-author (with Dan Siegel) of two New York Times bestsellers:  The Whole-Brain Child and No-Drama Discipline.  She is the Executive Director of the Center for Connection in Pasadena, CA and a pediatric and adolescent psychotherapist.  She keynotes conferences and conducts workshops for parents, educators, and clinicians all over the world.  Dr. Bryson earned her Ph.D. from the University of Southern California, where her research explored attachment science, childrearing theory, and the emerging field of interpersonal neurobiology.  You can learn more about her at TinaBryson.com, where you can subscribe to her blog and read her articles about kids and parenting.

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  • How Dr. Dan Siegal and Tina collaborated on THE WHOLE-BRAINED CHILD

  • How science can help guide parents in really profound ways

  • Programs, communities and in which Dr. Bryson’s work is taught

  • The importance of HOW are parent shows up to the nervous system of a developing child

  • How getting CURIOUS with your child creates gateways into building important life skills and self regulation

  • How making ASSUMPTIONS delays or stops tool building; ie, taking behavior personal, over explaining behavior, making character assumptions, if they did it once they should be able to consistently complete task/request

  • Paying attention to a developing nervous system

  • If the nervous system is not regulated the child cannot have choice over behavior

  • How to influence the nervous system in both self and child

  • Identification of Dr. Bryson and Dr. Siegals emotional “ZONES”; Red Zone, Blue Zone, Green Zone

  • The Frontal Cortex is not developed yet

  • Children do not have the architecture to control “reptilian brain” / “fight or flight” in red or blue zones – difficulty paying attention, learning, regulating

  • Tools/techniques to get in “green zone” – regulated, calm, empathetic, attune

  • Behavior is communicating child’s lack of skills

  • When to seek out professional help

  • Self regulation – be gentle and kind with ourselves (reference Kristin Neff, of self-compassion.org)

  • New techniques require time and PRACTICE

  • Calming strategy when child is disregulated- get BELOW eye level and use soothing words including “I’m right here with you”

  • Brain associates with physical state – floppy noodle technique

  • Body shift can help shift emotions

  • How discipline is teaching

  • We need to give children tools not take them away

  • Thoughts on consequences

  • Key actions of soothing, connection, problem-solving, playfulness and being pro-active build a “whole-brained” child

  • How to recognize our own “zones” and practice getting/staying into “green zone”

What does Joyful Courage mean to me?

“Joyful Courage to me means having the courage to reflect on our own areas of growth and also having the courage to trust development to unfold. Trusting that we are doing a good enough job.”

Where to find Dr. Tina Bryson:

tinabryson.com – infinite resources to put into practice!
Facebook l Twitter

What to watch for:

New books by Dr. Dan Siegel and Dr. Tina Payne Bryson
The YES Brain -  January 2018
Showing Up – TBD 

Info from the Show:

Lantern Camps
Kristin Neff, of self-compassion.org
Camp Chippewa  http://campchippewa.com/

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Coaching with Casey

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Coaching with Casey is a three month commitment. We will explore your vision for parenting and even bigger, how you want to show up for your life. We explore mindset, and how shifts in mindset create big shifts in relationship. And finally, we deep dive into the tools and strategies of Positive Discipline for teaching, modeling and practicing life skills.

Coaching is an investment. If you would like to find out more, and explore the possibility that coaching is a good fit for you, schedule a 20 minute explore call.  Click here and we will schedule our call!

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Eps 75: Marcilie Smith Boyle Shares Research and Brain Science Behind Positive Discipline

Today’s guest is Marcilie Smith Boyle, a Certified Positive Discipline Trainer and Certified Life and Leadership Coach who teaches Positive Discipline courses live and online, coaches individuals and groups on transitions and parenting, as well as life coaching and executive leadership coaching. We are discussing the science and research of Positive Discipline. Join us!

“ The tip of the iceberg is what you can see – that’s your child’s behavior, but underneath the surface so much more is going on.”

What you’ll hear in this episode:

•    Emerging neuro-scientific research about social psychology informed by function MRIs and PET scans.
•     Principles of Positive Discipline – looking underneath behavior to build skills for long term better behavior.
•    Adlerian theory, the foundation of Positive Discipline
•    The connection between behavior and a sense of belonging
•    How mutual respect informs better behavior
•    The right to dignity and the value of solutions relative to rewards and punishments
•    Intrinsic motivation, what it is and why it matters long term.
•    The social nature of humans and how that relates to theories of the hierarchy of needs
•    The link between physical and social pain and the connection between learning and belonging
•    The impact of fight or flight on empathy, learning and problem solving skills
•    Relatedness, competence and autonomy and the way they influence behavior and feed intrinsic motivation
•    The positive outcomes of met psychological needs in relation to health, creativity, persistence, flexibility, adjustment, well-being, enjoyment, cooperation, engagement and interest.
•    Why rewards and praise sometimes backfire: the relationship between contingent rewards, autonomy and behavior
•    Baby steps to deepen your positive parenting practice
•   The difference made when we get eye to eye with our kids

What does Joyful Courage mean to you?

Courage is about being brave, about feeling some fear but doing it anyways. That takes determination and focus. Courage has a feeling of seriousness. When you add Joyful to it, it adds some fun and lightness. Joyful Courage is about being courageous in a fun way. It’s a choice about how you want to practice your bravery.

Resources:

Positive Discipline
Social by Matthew Lieberman
Hidden Costs of Reward – Mark R. Lepper
 

Upcoming Offers from Marcilie:
February 8th:: 6 Obstacles to Peaceful, Positive Parenting – Free tele-class
Starting March 1st: Peaceful Parents, Cooperative Kids Interactive Virtual Workshop Series – 8 week series 

Where to find Marcilie:

Website l Facebook l Twitter

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Eps 69: Laurie Prusso Hatch Helps us Understand Hurtful Behavior in Young Kids

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Today’s guest is Laurie Hatch, a “radical grandma” with strong ideas and opinions about how children who can be raised. She has eleven kids, 44 grandkids and has worked in education, now consulting and training. We are going to talk about kids under 5 and how to handle aggressive behavior. Join us!

“If I could teach parents one thing it would be: never expect kids to share. Kids do not share until the ages of 4 and 5 when it becomes important to them to have a playmate who stays with them and collaborates”

“Sharing is one of the most inappropriate expectations we have in childhood and a huge trigger. We were taught to be nice and share and that if you don’t share you aren’t nice.”

“About the time we start to figure out parenting, we are done”

What you’ll hear in this episode:

•    Exploring the language we use to describe behaviors our kids engage in
*    How separating ourselves from our children’s behavior changes how we describe and perceive it
*     Sibling rivalry and how we help create it
*    The role of supervision in mitigating sibling conflict
*    What is scaffolding and how does it relate to correcting behavior?
*    Setting reasonable expectations around kid’s ability to self-regulate: improvement vs. mastery
*    Child development and how that impacts how sibling conflict plays out
*    Resolving conflict through curiosity
*    Naturalist observational report: talking to kids about what happened absent of judgment and assumption
*    Sharing expectations: why and when developmentally kids share and how expecting it can create challenges
*    Biting and tantrums in context: how language and maturity impact these phases
*    Backtalk versus advocacy: reframing sassy behavior
*    Repetitive behaviors: chances to try different approaches to resolve conflict
•    Nurturing in the heat of conflict: why it helps and how to do it even when it’s hard.
•    Solutions vs punishments. Focusing on the goal and expected behavior and being permissive aren’t the same thing, resolution doesn’t need to be punitive
•    Relationship repair and how to recover from parenting missteps
•    Spanking – where does it come from and what else can you do in the moment
•    Post-conflict recaps: encouraging perspective taking and problem solving
•    The role of family meetings: connecting rather than blaming
•    Parenting education helps learn about parenting process
*    Triggers: why do we have them and what they can teach us about ourselves?
*    Self-care and parenting – how journaling can help
*    Problem solving without fault

What does Joyful Courage mean to you?

“Joy is the essence of being centered in truth. Courage is heart. I try to live so my life and heart are centered on the things I know are true. I have limited knowledge so I’m continually looking for that. I draw on my courage so that I can speak out in active ways that are in harmony with what I believe. Joy is not fleeting, it’s not like happiness. Joy is a constant and a choice in life. If you have joy in your heart, you’re able to endure challenges and adversity because you have this constant centered on truth." 

Where to find Laurie:
Website

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#JoyfulCourage10 - Holiday Edition
The #JoyfulCourage10 - Holiday Edition is a powerful opportunity to stay more intentional and grounded during the coming holiday season. Click here to find out more and to register.

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Help to spread the word!
The goal for this month is 15,000 downloads of the podcast! Talk to your friends and family about the show and the value you find in listening in - then encourage them to do the same! Increasing the numbers makes is more sustainable and allows me to continue to have these epic parenting conversations! YES!

Eps 46: Dr. Michele Borba and Why Empathy is the Antidote to the Selfie Culture

Welcome! My guest today is Dr. Michele Borba, a globally-recognized educational psychologist and parenting, bullying, and character expert. Her aim is to strengthen children’s empathy and resilience to break the cycle of youth violence. She has delivered keynotes and workshops to over 1 million participants on 5 continents and authored 24 books translated into 14 languages. Her latest book is out on June 7, and is titled Unselfie: Why Empathetic Kids Succeed in Our All-About-Me World. Parents and educators will benefit greatly from Dr. Borba’s wisdom and insights. Join us!

What you’ll hear in this episode:

  • Michele has experience as a special education teacher and working on school shooting prevention and bullying prevention programs.

  • Much of the world’s violence narrows down to the primary need of empathy.

  • What is empathy? The ability to “feel” with someone, to step in and understand where another person is coming from.

  • Empathy has emotional and cognitive components.

  • In researching her book, Michele learned from Holocaust rescuers that empathy was modeled for them by their parents, so it was natural for them to care about helping others.

  • In the last 30 years, empathy in children has dropped by 40%, while narcissism has increased by 58%.

  • Michele explains “The Selfie Syndrome” and how it kills empathy.

  • Michele shares the following about learning empathy:

    • It’s a “womb-to-tomb” scenario, so you can start learning at any age.

    • Children are hard-wired for empathy at birth.

    • Infants go through the first step of empathy when they attach to their mothers.

    • Around age 1, emotional literacy begins when a child understands another’s clues to sadness or hurt.

  • The problem today is that children are learning to tune in to digital devices and not to each other.

  • #1 Tip: Teach your child to look at the color of the eyes of the person speaking to learn to “tune in.”

  • Michele’s book teaches activities to cultivate empathy, to listen better, and to stand up to a bully.

  • How to teach children the A, B, C’s of recognizing stress

  • The “empathy gap” of overwhelmed kids

  • Many “self-regulation” techniques are recommended in the book.

  • Why we MUST teach coping strategies to our kids!

  • How to teach them to take care of someone else’s heart

  • Why saying “I’m sorry” is NOT the best option

  • Michele gives some baby steps that parents can take as a starting point to increase empathy in their kids.

  • “Think Big, Start Small”---choose ONE thing to do

  • Michele has “Bully Buster” techniques and skills in the book.

  • What does Joyful Courage mean to you? “Joyful Courage is the most wonderful concept you can imagine. Having courage brings real joy. We need to build kids from the inside out. It’s the real miracle point of your heart opening to another.”

Resources:

www.commonsensemedia.org

www.micheleborba.com

Find Dr. Borba on Facebook and Twitter and find her books on Amazon.com.

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Eps 12: NO YELLING! with Andy Smithson

I am really excited to have Andy Smithson, of TRU Parenting, back on the podcast!  He was my very first guest and a parent educator that I have been following for a while now.  

There are a lot of things I like about Andy, I think it is so refreshing to have a Dad's voice speaking into the parenting experience.  His blog posts and articles are always so helpful and full of tips and tools that can be put into action right away.  He has lots of kids so I KNOW he is in the practice of walking his talk, and that always scores a lot of points with me...

Today we are talking about yelling.  Ugh.  Yelling is the worst - it makes our kids feel bad and it leaves US feeling bad and so unskilled.  Andy has an ecourse that is starting the beginning of October...  I have so much faith in this program that I am an affiliate of the program (meaning: I get a kickback when you sign up through me).

So listen up and soak in the zen vibes of Andy Smithson.

Here are some links to the resources mentioned on the show:

Boundaries by Henry Cloud

Andys Quick Calm Technique - FREE DOWNLOAD

The Whole Brain Child by Dr. Dan Siegel

Super Better by Jane McGonigal 

21 Day Stop Yelling Coaching Course - Sign up now!

Hey!  Sign up below to join the mailing list and get updates on all the latest podcasts and offers from Joyful Courage!

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Episode 2: A conversation with Ariadne Brill about Making Agreements and Building Relationships

What a gift it was to spend time talking to Ariadne Brill of Positive Parenting Connection!  We dug into how making agreements with our kids helps them to develop a sense of trust and capability - while strengthening our relationship with them along the way.  Ariadne has some great ideas around how to bring more ease to mealtimes and shares some resources for parents for teaching and modeling self regulation.

Resources for listeners:

Check out Ariadne's book on Amazon - Twelve alternatives to time out

From Positive Parenting Connection - A post about creating a Chill-Out Corner with your child

The latest Joyful Courage post around making agreements - What was our agreement?

Find Positive Parenting Connection on Facebook, Pinterest, and Twitter

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Episode 1: A Conversation about Emotional Triggers with Andy Smithson of TRU Parenting

It was my great honor to spend over and hour on the phone with Andy Smithson of TRU Parenting recently.  

We spent our time really digging into the way emotional triggers show up while navigating the challenges of raising kids, and Andy shared some of what he offers parents in the way of finding their calm.  Enjoy!!

"Not knowing is one of the most powerful tools and skills that we have as parents...  It keeps us curious makes us let our children guide the process..."
-  Andy Smithson

Resources mentioned during the podcast:

 

Childbirth: My Journey from Fear to Peace

The Quick Calm Toolkit

How to Stop Yelling in 21 Days

Get Off That Train!

TRU Calm: Parent Relaxation and Self-Renewal Series
* Be sure to listen at the end of the podcast for a special discount offer from Andy to be used towards this product!