Eps 178: Beyond Birds and Bees with Bonnie J Rough

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Today’s guest is Bonnie J. Rough, who is an author, journalist, and speaker focusing on families, health, education, parenting and sexuality. Her latest book is Beyond Birds & Bees: Bringing Home a New Message to Our Kids about Sex, Love, and Equality. has written recently for the New York Times on teaching young children about boundaries and consent and the value of childhood crushes, The Atlantic on both the link between sex ed and gender equality and improving school sex ed, the Washington Post on why it’s important to teach sex ed in mixed-gender groups, and New York Magazine on raising kids without sexual shame. Join us!

 

"What I learned is that the focus on helping kids wait longer is really not and should not be the end all. It’s really more about how can we prepare them to have a positive experience.”

 

“The Dutch parents who I met and the American ones too who have inspired me on this really are prioritizing their relationship with their kids over their ideals about what and when their kids will do things.”

 

“If we have those open lines of communication we actually have more control than if we forbid.”

 

“The more open and transparent we can be with our kids the better.”

 

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What you’ll hear in this episode:

  • Cultural differences between the US and Amsterdam around gender equality, nudity, and sexuality

  • Normalizing conversations about sexuality

  • Separating nudity from eroticism

  • Differences in sexual health outcomes between US and Dutch teenagers

  • Ways to keep lines of communication open with your kids

  • Double standards applied to boys and girls

  • Why helping your child maintain cross-gender friendships

  • The importance of knowing your kids’ friends

  • What the research says about teenage sex

  • What to do when you feel you’re late to the party in talking to your kids about sex

  • The importance of not having an agenda when having those curious conversations with kids

  • Owning when we feel awkward or uncomfortable

  • Navigating fear and baggage to become available for conversations with our kids

  • Expanding our own knowledge base to have better conversations

 

What does Joyful Courage mean to you?

Oh my gosh, to me joyful courage is all about that permission, that freeing sense of permission that I got from observing parents who knew that, you know, making little mistakes in a day to day conversation with our kids about healthy sexuality, it's meaningless, those little mistakes. The big thing that we're doing right, you know, having an interest in relating with them on the subject and so when I realize that, you know, it's not a thing to damage our kids by telling them too much, it's not a thing to damage our kids by telling them something that wasn't accurate one day and coming back, circling back to it another day. It's, you know, knowing that I could be gentle with myself and that we can actually have fun with the conversation once they kind of got to just be a thread through our normal life, you know, basically joyful courage for me is about going headlong into it, you know, with optimism and cheerfulness and hope and trust.

 

Resources:

Beyond Birds & Bees: Bringing Home a New Message to Our Kids about Sex, Love, and Equality

 

Where to find Bonnie:

Website

Twitter

Facebook

Instagram

 

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Joyful Courage: Calming the drama and taking control of your parenting journey

 

This book is all about how to show up as a Joyful Courage parent so that you have better access tot eh tools you need in hot parenting moments – tools that are helpful and maintain connection with your child.

 

Presale is April 10th – as many of you as possible buying presale would be FABULOUS. I am going to have some special bonuses TBD for my presale buyers.

Official launch date is May 20th – OMG – so so exciting!!!

 

The best way to stay up to date on the book news is to join my newsletter list, if you haven’t already.  Sign up at www.joyfulcourage.com/join

 

Thank you to everyone that has been so encouraging on this journey!!!  I appreciate you and we are ALMOST THERE!!!!

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Buy the Parenting Teen Audio Summit!
** This will only remain available for a limited time **

The Parenting Teens With Positive Discipline Audio Summit is a deep dive into the messiness of parenting through the teen years and beyond. Each of the featured guests speaks candidly from both their wisdom as parent educators, as well as their real life experience of raising their own teens.

 

Check it out – www.joyfulcourage.com/teensummit

 

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Be a Subscriber

Make sure to SUBSCRIBE to the Joyful Courage Podcast on Apple Podcast to get the latest shows STRAIGHT to your device!!  AND PLEASE rate and review the Joyful Courage Parenting Podcast to help me spread the show to an ever-larger audience!!

CLICK HERE to watch a video that shows up how to subscribe with your iPhone!

Eps 175: A candid conversation with my kids about screen time

Join the Joyful Courage Tribe in our community Facebook group - Live and Love with Joyful Courage.  Raising our children while growing ourselves...

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Snowy February in Washington state – wowzer!

Today I am talking about screens and technology

Exciting news- Lisa Damour, author of Untangled and new book Under Pressure: Confronting the epidemic of stress and anxiety in girls

  • Big deal

  • How I get guests

  • How many say no

My book has a launch date!!

  • Presale April 10th

  • Official Launch May 20th

  • Join newsletter to keep up with all of the book news and the incentives I am putting together for those of you that choose into presale

iTunes Reviews!!!

  • From January, a five star review from @chrisnjess – “I found you through Birds and bees and kids and as your podcast began, it was as if you were speaking from my own mothering journey. I feel as if you are another angel in my continuing mothering journey. I found your podcast episode bery insightful, information, and affirming. I am tuning in!!

    • Thank you @chrisnjess!!!! And you all know how much I love Amy Lang from Birds and Bees and kids – did you know she started a podcast too? It’s called “Just say this” - Check it out on itunes or wherever you are listening to podcasts

  • The podcast also received a five star review earlier this month from @urfmama – “ Casey is like my long lost sister that I’ve never met. Like minded is an understatement. When I was feeling down with my mothering I searched “positive Discipline” in podcasts and eureka! Joyful Courage appeared like a bright star in the dark night. I eat this podcast up, I tell every parent I know about it. I find myself nodding while I listen as I do my housework. I feel like my hand is being held and I ‘m gently being led through this incredibly strategic yet unpredictable “chess game” of parenting. Do yourself a favor and soak in the wisdom that Joyful Courage so generously shares. Thank you, Casey, much love from the heartland.”

    • THANK YOU @URFMAMA – one day, one day our paths will cross.

  • YES! Thank you to everyone that is jumping into itunes to leave reviews – this helps with my visibility – meaning more people are likely to find me – and it also just FEELS SO GOOD to read and know that what I am doing over here in the guest room of my house MATTERS.

 Ok….  On to todays content.

Screens

Why?

  • It is coming up in the Joyful Courage Parents of Teens community, it is coming up in calls with clients, it is coming up in my own life and practice with my kids

  • FOR CERTAIN: it is a big pain in the ass

Today I am going to share and inquiry from my own experience – not because I know the way, or I have it all figured out, but because I am IN IT with you.

  • Remember last April when I had Dr. Delaney Runston on and we talked about her documentary, Screenagers? There are so many pearls of wisdom and research in my convo with her – be sure to listen or relisten - http://www.joyfulcourage.com/podcast/140

  • I also had a powerful conversation with one of my colleagues, a positive discipline Lead trainer, about this during the teen summit, which is available to invest in through the end of this month at joyfulcourage.com/teensummit

  • I spoke with Kim Muench about this back in episode 82 – Parenting in the Age of Smart phones…

  • Plus, it has come up in loads of other conversations

  • IT’S NOT GOING AWAY

Here are some of the pain points I am hearing from the community AND experiencing myself:

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  • Limits and boundaries

  • How much to monitor

  • Broken agreements

  • The arguing

  • The internet is forever

  • How will they develop real relationship skills when everything is over text/IM/Snaps

  • Online/SM bullying

  • Sexting/nudes

  • How much time is too much time to be on their phones

  • How to be the lone parents who waits to get their child a phone

  • How to support kids with friends when they don’t have SM/phones

  • Restricting what they do/see on their devices

  • Begin real and honest about our OWN (parents) phone use

  • Using devices as avoidance/escape

 Let’s check in with the kids:

  • How did you feel about making agreements about screens?

  • What is your experience with social media?

  • What do you not like about the phone and SM? What kinds of things do you see happening?

  • Where do you feel like it gets in the way of life? Or do you?

  • What do you like about it?

  • How do you feel about me when I am on your case about your phone use?

  • What do you see me modeling with my phone use?

  • You have some restrictions on your phone – is that helpful?

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Buy the Parenting Teen Audio Summit!

The Parenting Teens With Positive Discipline Audio Summit is a deep dive into the messiness of parenting through the teen years and beyond. Each of the featured guests speaks candidly from both their wisdom as parent educators, as well as their real life experience of raising their own teens.

Check it out – www.joyfulcourage.com/teensummit

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Be a Subscriber

Make sure to SUBSCRIBE to the Joyful Courage Podcast on Apple Podcast to get the latest shows STRAIGHT to your device!!  AND PLEASE rate and review the Joyful Courage Parenting Podcast to help me spread the show to an ever-larger audience!!

CLICK HERE to watch a video that shows up how to subscribe with your iPhone!

Eps 79: Mary Jo Lorei Helps us Bring Back the Romance

Today’s guest is Mary Jo Lorei, a coach who focuses on relationships and connections. We are discussing love, romance and intimacy after becoming parents. Join us!

“It’s less about the action you take. We look for the action. There’s so many different actions you can take, it doesn’t really matter. The experience is about the connection to your heart. It’s about being connected to what really matters. The actions won’t sustain you or your relationship. Listen to your heart and let that inspire you.”

What you’ll hear in this episode:

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•    Finding time for intimacy
•    The importance of intimacy – finding your why
•    Intimacy as parenting: part of role modeling healthy relationships
•    Creating an invitation to intimacy: first steps
•    Masculine and feminine energy – what’s the difference and why they are both in all of us
•    Balancing energy to promote your child’s autonomy
•    Vulnerability, touch and exploring connection
•    Vulnerability as strength
•    Relationships take two people, but relating takes one.
•    Putting up a screen to filter inputs vs putting up a shield
•    Distinguishing sex and intimacy – moving beyond euphemism
•    Connecting to “adjust the volume” vs “turning from off to on” – making smooth transitions to intimacy through ongoing mindfulness and connection
•    Reminding our partner and ourselves of what we appreciate about each other
•    Resolving disconnection through self-celebration and self-care
•    How to be curious about identifying and problem solving barriers to intimacy
•    Engaging universal parenting skills that we practice with our kids
•    The power of “I’ve Missed You” and remembering the intention
•    Improving the likelihood of successful connection through celebration and reverence vs. complaint
•    Letting go of expectations to leave space for what comes naturally     

What does Joyful Courage mean to you?

The fun in being courageous is getting on that super big rollercoaster. It’s not just about death defying acts of meeting demons. It’s really fun to be courageous because it brings amazing results. Connecting those two words is so important because it takes courage to be joyful and how amazing is courage when it has joy in it. It means to be inspired.

Where to find MaryJo:

Maryjolorei.com
Boldly embody life

 

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FEED 3,000

LET'S FEED SOME PEOPLE!!

I would love to invite you to join me in making 3,000 snack sacks over the next three months and take them to organizations that serve the hungry!!

Not one of us can make all those lunches ourselves - BUT ALL OF US TOGETHER SURE CAN!!

So here is the plan, host a gathering at your house and invite other families over. Have each family bring some supplies and together make as many snack sacks as you can!!

Click here for the Feed 3,000 Facebook Event Link

Click her to go donate to the Feeding America page.

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COACHING!!

One on one coaching will take your parenting to the NEXT LEVEL :) Email me directly to book an exploratory call.

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Join the Joyful CourageTribe in our community Facebook group - Live and Love with Joyful Courage.  Raising our children while growing ourselves...

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Make sure to SUBSCRIBE to the Joyful Courage Podcast on iTunes to get the latest shows STRAIGHT to your device!!  AND PLEASE rate and review the Joyful Courage Parenting Podcast on iTunes to help me spread the show to an ever larger audience!!

Talking About the Birds and Bees and Kids with Amy Lang

Who is Amy Lang?

www.birdsandbeesandkids.com

Sexual Health Educator for 20 years –

Works primarily with parents of kids preschool  - middle school

Keep it real, keep it age appropriate, be honest…

The more open and honest we are, the safer kids are…

The more informed kids are the more empowered they are…

"Sex, sexuality (relationships and connection) drives everything we do – in our families, how we relate to each other, culture and media – music!  And we run around and pretend its not happening…" 

Amy’s newsletter is the bomb!!

Harder for kids to avoid porn now than it was for us to find it when we were kids…

Because porn creates a chemical “thrill” kids will go back to what they’ve seen - can’t believe it, can’t stop looking at it…

“Junk food sex ed”

-       porn
-   convo on the playground/ from other kids

 Sex ed should be getting short and sweet convos from a very early age…  How babies are made, body development, sexuality, happy healthy relationships with YOUR VALUES included…

Sexuality is a part of what makes us HUMAN.

Outlier parents have to put up with discomfort around “If I tell my kids about sex, they are going to tell everyone...”

What we can say to our children:

“This is a private conversations we have in our family, its not your job to tell other kids, its their mom and dad to tell other kids…  people are weird and uncomfortable – and its safer to take to me about this…” 

Sets them up with some boundaries.

Talking openly is protective, teaches them bodies are private = sexual abuse prevention…

Demonstrating openness by talking about sex. Reinforces that we mean it when we say,“You can tell me anything…”

Pre-5th grade --- biological stuff/nuts and bolts/how things work/term defining

Always talking about values

Middle school --- social/emotional aspects of relating/dating/ talking about being “in relationship” with another person – noticing in movies/tv – normalizing the ups and downs of relationships

Asking about what is happening in peers groups/what ifs/how are they feeling about what they are seeing --- EMPOWER THEM WITH INFORMATION AND CONVERSATION

Sharing values, influencing them so they can make their own, informed decisions…  And you want to be in their head as much as possible!

Long acting reversable contraception  (LARC)  – 5-7 years of no pregnancy/no period

 

Amy’s Offers:

Birds+Bees+Kids Website

- Videos and webinars

- Resource list

- Blog

 

Go watch the videos and CALM DOWN about talking to your kids about this!!

FB - Birds+Bees+Kids

Twitter - @birdsandbees

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