Eps 122: Shameproof Parenting with Mercedes Samudio

Hey everybody, welcome to the Joyful Courage Podcast, a place for information and inspiration on the conscious parenting journey. I am Casey O’Roarty, Positive Discipline Trainer, Parent Coach, and honored to be your guide in the work of showing up as your best for yourself and your family.

If you feel as though parenting is one long personal growth and development workshop, you have come to the right place. The conversations you will here on this podcast are all intended to offer you tools for moving forward, for expanding your lens, and for shifting your narrative to one of possibility, connection and empowerment.

You CAN be the parent you want to be. 

We are influencing the world with how we raise our children. When we bring deep listening, acceptance, and courage to our relationships, we are doing our part to evoke it in the world. I am thrilled to partner with you on this path.

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Welcome Mercedes Samudio.  For almost a decade, Mercedes has been working with families  to help them develop healthy communication skills, manage severe emotional issues, develop coping skills to manage behaviors, create dynamic parent-child relationships, and navigate social media & technology as a family.

Throughout the course of her career she has worked with adoptive families, foster families, teen parents, parents navigating the child protective services system, and children living with mental illness.

In 2014, Mercedes began to transition into her private practice where she focuses on parent coaching and guiding families to reducing unwanted behaviors, developing effective parenting strategies, creating healthy communication habits, and designing social media/tech plans for their household.

Content:

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·      Mercedes talks about her background experience with teen parents
·      Supporting parents in being confident in their ever evolving parenting identity
·      Where #endparentshaming came from
·      Others/media offering mixed judgments – no one changes when they feel shame/unsafe
·      Movement to get people to see that even when others are doing things you don’t agree with, how to step into empathy to see where they need support
·      People doing the best they can with the tools they have
·      Shame as a defense to our own discomfort
·      “Raising a human while trying to be authentically human yourself”
·      You are bigger than your parent role
·      Take time to focus on self and partner as a tool for surrendering to what your child’s current challenge is
·      When we focus solely on our child’s mistakes, all we see are their mistakes
·      Bring the skills/areas of other parts of our life into the parts that feel a bit shakey
·      10,000 feet view
·      We have our own shame conversations….
-   Reframe the expectations you have of yourself
-   Example: how do you deal with things when you are angry?
-   What do I need, what can I do for myself?
-   How can I use my support system to help me?
·      The misperception that conscious parenting shouldn’t be hard
·      Conscious parenting requires us to be conscious parenting
·      People are attached to their shame – the stories feel familiar
·      Figure out what your stories are that take you to shame
·      People grow and change in space that is free from shame and judgement
·      Considering FOO – Family Of Origin
-   Write down why these relationships matter to you
-   Still want connection… 
-   Let them know WHY you want to stay connected (be specific)
-  Then, share what it is that you are going to be practicing and invite the family member into supporting you
-  Ask for alignment
·      CONNECT BEFORE CORRECT (not just for kids J )
·      Set you boundaries to keep YOUR bucket full for YOU family
·      Shameproof Parenting by Mercedes
·      How to build support with other parents and non parents
·      A shame proof village! 

What does Joyful Courage mean to you?

Being able to find joy even in the times when it’s not happening... I’m still showing up.

Where to find Mercedes:

Website l You Tube

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Eps 87: Lisa Fuller is on Supporting us With Shame Resilience

Today’s guest is Lisa Fuller.  Lisa Fuller, M.S.W., Certified Positive Discipline Trainer, Certified Professional Coach and a Certified Daring Way™ Facilitator, has been working with parents since 2005 to help them find joy and moment of peace even in the midst of chaos. Lisa’s a compassionate listener whose committed to empowering parents through Positive Discipline’s common sense principles. Having three children ages 21, 17 and 10, Lisa’s steeped in the challenges and joys of parenting. Lisa also offers one on one coaching for parenting and life! She believes the world is a better place when we—adults and children—strive to treat each other with respect and love.

Today we are talking about developing shame resilience.

“Shame is something that we all have. It’s universal. Every human being experiences shame – those who don’t usually have some significant problems. It’s not a bad thing. That’s one good thing about shame – it means you are a caring human being.”

What you’ll hear in this episode:

  • What is shame and why should we talk about it?

  • How positive discipline relates to shame

  • Shame and guilt – what’s the difference? How do they connect to humiliation and embarrassment?

  • The physical sensations of shame

  • The individual personal nature of shame

  • Practicing critical awareness – how to reality check the messages that are driving your shame

  • The value of having someone to talk through shame with

  • What makes a good person to talk shame with

  • How to encourage shame resilience in children

  • Reducing shame by normalizing experiences

  • Creating opportunities for belonging

  • What it means to lead with the message with love

  • How to connect without trying to fix

  • Empathy and shame – how to support when you can’t relate to the experience

  • Cultivating relationships that allow us to speak to our shame

  • How to show up in your relationships that shows you are a safe place to talk shame

  • Doing vs Being – their roles in building shame resilience

  • Personal practices for finding joy within instead of looking to our children to complete us

What does Joyful Courage mean to you?

Taking risks with heart. The courage is taking the risks and moving ahead and doing it but doing it with your full being. The last couple years I’ve had some very significant deaths in my life and I think in so many ways it’s been a gift – it does highlight joy, the simple joy of being alive and how I’m able to be more grateful that I have this gift of life which isn’t going to last forever. Losing people who are close to us that’s the upside is that we go “Wow, this is temporary, this life, it really is.” I think when we get caught in the swirl of parenting we can ‘beam in’ – these other, bigger issues help us beam out. Joy helps with shame and getting perspective.

Resources:

The Daring Way

Daring Greatly

Monthly Support Group (With Marcillie Smith Boyle and Lisa Fuller)

Where to find Lisa:

Website l Twitter l Facebook l LinkedIn

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