Eps 138: Peaceful Parenting our Teens and Tweens with Genevieve Simperingham

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Today’s guest is Genevieve Simperingham, a counsellor, an AWARE parenting educator, a writer, a group facilitator, meditation teacher and founder of the Peaceful Parent Institute in New Zealand. Over the last 24 years, Genevieve has presented hundreds of workshops and courses. She has parented her own kids using attachment principles and she seeks to empower parents with the tools that result in increased harmony, trust and cooperation in the family unit. We are discussing peaceful parenting our teenagers. Join us!

“It’s about bringing into your parenting not just how you should respond in this situation or in that situation and our different approaches and techniques (which are really, really important) but it’s all about who we are as a person and who our child is as a person and the dynamic and the energy between us.”

“We shouldn’t be in fighter stance simply because we have teenagers.”

What you’ll hear in this episode:

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  • What is peaceful parenting and how it is different than some of the more mainstream behaviorist parenting approaches.

  • The Centre, Connect, Communicate approach

  • Stress management, self care and healing trauma and how they relate to parenting

  • The need for authenticity in empathy and curiosity

  • The biggest hangups for parents around peaceful parenting teenagers

  • Having tough conversations with your teens without shorting out the connection at the outset

  • Setting and holding limits within the peaceful parenting framework

  • Sex, drugs and alcohol use in teens - is it better to allow at home or to restrict?

  • Reducing power struggles and rebellion

  • Educating and empowering teens to make their own choices

  • Reconnecting to move past conflict

What does Joyful Courage mean to you?

Joyful courage to me, it connects me with that last bit that we were just talking about, to me it’s about joy we feel in the heart and it takes a lot of courage to reconnect. So to me it’s about opening the heart and allowing the joy, the enjoyment of the relationship, of the connection to come back in and that takes courage. It takes courage to be vulnerable again. It’s easier to be hard and defensive and stern and it takes courage to open the heart come back to the joy of that beautiful connection again.

Resources:

Aware parenting

Where to find Genevieve:

The way of the Peaceful Parent Facebook Group

Facebook

Website

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Eps 93: Carly Mentlik Talks About Support our Tween Girls

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Meet Carly Mentlik, tween whisperer. Carly’s vast education and experiences have led her to craft The Inner Rainbow Project.  She coaches parents and caregivers “to help our tween daughters grow up to be the confident, emotionally healthy, self-aware women that they deserve to be”. Nine through pre-teen can be a very challenging time for parents and tweens to navigate. Carly’s passion and guiding light gives parents and caregivers the tools to help navigate this extremely important development phase with ample support.

The world is changing faster and faster every day. We need our girls to have the confidence to speak their truth and live in their authenticity! Carly holds a Masters in Clinical Counseling, dual Bachelors in Special and Elementary Education all from NYU. She is a single mom, Yoga instructor and all around inspiration.

What you’ll hear in this episode:

  • Challenges tween girls navigate

  • Elementary to Middle School transition.

  • Importance of cultivating a strong foundation for girls at this developmental stage.

  • How feelings and emotions are changing and affect your tween and their experience.

  • Tools for helping your tween find self-awareness, acceptance and discovery in a safe and healthy environment.

  • How to address body image and help tweens feel confidence and compassion in/for themselves.

  • The importance of your tweens voice and how to support their expression.

  • How to use creativity and have fun to build connection with your tween.

  • Practical lessons and rituals that help both you and your tween put tools into daily practice.

  • What you can expect from working with Carly.

  • Special introduction to The Chakra Girls!

What does Joyful Courage mean to you?

Being a mom and being blessed to follow my passion, it is gratitude. It’s terrifying to embark on these things and you need that courage, but it’s with such joy because I am so grateful to have this opportunity to do this work.

Where to find Carly:

https://www.betterhelp.com/carly-mentlik/
https://www.innerrainbowproject.com/

Facebook l Instagram l Pinterest

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Eps71: Rosalind Wiseman is on talking about friendship roles and teaching dignity for all

Today’s guest is Rosalind Wiseman, a mom of boys and political scientist who works with teenagers in a professional capacity through an organization called Cultures of Dignity. We are going to talk about the social lives of teenagers. Join us!

“Look for your champion moment and step in.”

What you’ll hear in this episode:

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•    The struggle to balance maintaining friendships and handle power imbalances and how that flows into abusive romantic relationships later on
•    Media depictions of relationships and how they impact teenage perceptions of acceptable and normal behaviors
•    Impacts of the election cycle on teenage behavior and normalization of racism and bad behavior and the resulting need for parents to promote inclusion
•    How to promote diversity and equal dignity for all by helping your children recognize the difference between healthy curiosity and put-downs
•     The importance of coaching your child on how to participate in respectful dialogue and redirecting conversations without reinforcing stigma
•    How to support teachers in a changing political climate while they deal with teens struggling with uncertainty
•    The role of education in supporting problem solving and critical thinking
•    Common roles in teen social groups and the associated challenges of raising: queen bees, side kicks, banker, mastermind, associate, bouncer, entertainer, conscience, champion, victim/target, pleaser, the messenger
•    Helping your kids practice for their champion moment
•    Backstabbing and the role of the messenger
•    How to teach your kids that a disagreement isn’t the end of the relationship
•    How to use and coach the SEAL formula – how to speak when you are angry
•    The similarities between conflict in teen relationships and videogames battles
•    The difference between bullying and lack of relationship skills
•    Giving space and listening to boys during puberty
•    Relationship repair following insights acquired during parenting education

Resources

Queen Bees and Wannabes
Masterminds and Wingmen
Owning Up

Where to find Rosalind:

Her Website
Facebook
Twitter
Instagram
LinkedIn

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Eps 66: Sheri Gazitt Shares her Wisdom Around Raising Adolescent Girls

Today’s guest is Sheri Gazitt, founder of a company called “Teen Wise” which focuses on teen issues like bullying, perfectionism, stress and friendship issues. She’s a mom of 3 girls in their teens. Join us!

What you’ll hear in this episode:

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  • Navigating your teen’s confusion and search for identity

  • The “trying on” process teens go through as they evaluate the pieces that form their identity and how to support it

  • The impact of stress, peer pressure and expectations on families

  • Definitions of success and challenges when they don’t align

  • How to support your daughters through their exploration of true self

  • The evolving nature of the “true self”

  • Moving our coaching from “Be yourself” to “Figure out who yourself is” and why it’s necessary

  • Role modeling values but recognizing your teen may not share your values.

  • How not to take your teen’s behavior personally

  • The importance of healthy adult relationships

  • How to maintain a relationship when your teen is pulling away

  • What girls say they need from parents

  • Navigating conversations when your child’s confidences reveal a need for outside interventions

  • The value of leaving space for teens to have emotions

  • Wardrobe and helping our teens navigate a sexualized climate

  • How to keep your parenting goals in sight when navigating challenging behaviors

  • The power of forgiveness

What does Joyful Courage mean to you?

“It gives me very positive vibes. It means we are happy with ourselves about what challenges we take on and parenting is definitely one of those challenges. It means to be happy and joyful even if we make mistakes, if we fail at something horribly, just to be joyful about the fact that we have that challenge in front of us and we are willing to take it on and give it our all."

Resources:
Reviving Ophelia

Where to find Sheri:
Her website l Facebook l Twitter

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Eps 55: Jo Langford Talks Porn, Sexting and Social Media

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Jo Langford is a therapist and sex educator from Seattle, WA. Our conversation today will cover porn, social media ediquette, and sexting (yikes!). In a culture that is becoming ever more sexualized, how do we keep our kids safe and smart about what is out there? Joe and I have a very candid conversation about conversations to have with our children, while still maintaining relationship and family values…

Highlights:

  • Jo has two kids, a middle schooler and an almost middle schooler. He is living his work!

  • He’s been changing the world and making it better since high school.

  • Joe trains parents, teachers and staff of organizations such as the YMCA and the Boys and Girls Club.

  • Harder for kids to NOT see porn, than it is to be ABLE to see it.

  • Families are getting in touch with Joe because their 10-16 year old is looking at a lot of porn parents talk about it and child continues to engage in it.

  • What conversations you can have with your kids when they are noticing all of the opportunities to see/look at porn.

  • When you see porn you can never “un-see” it.

  • Instead of “how do I keep my child from being exposed to porn?” today, we need to be asking, “how do I handle it when my child sees porn?” – this is the reality based on statistic

  • Open conversations are key… Keep them talking, by practicing your neutral face and manage your own stuff when they come to you to have tough conversations. The message becomes “I can handle what you bring me, no matter what.

  • What happens in the brain? Kicks up the pleasure centers, big hit of dopamine… If they continue to watch, the brain gets desensitized and wants to get to the next level.

  • Talk to kids about building boundaries around tech. Encourage them to have real relationships, how to unplug, how to manage friends/people who sext. Rules/guidelines around where the phone/screen lives at night… Don’t wait until you NEED the guidelines – put them into place now.

  • “Monitoring” software that Joe recommends – builds muscles of restraint and self control when kids have some access while also knowing that parents will see where they go – “we are trying to raise good grown ups”

  • Qustidio – controlled through wifi – put the browser on kids devices. Controls, time limits, helpful.

  • Disney’s Circle – easy to use, hooks up to wifi, all devices get put into categories (grown ups, teens, kids) and put time limits on use, also over 3G. AWESOME!

  • Best strategy is to put most of the ownership and responsibility on the kids.

  • “Not about me trusting you, it’s about you showing that you are trustworthy.”

  • Joe has amazingly helpful PDFs on his website

  • Making agreements together is key to our kids follow through.

  • The internet is forever! You leave a trail….

  • Grown ups are the models of what is appropriate/inappropriate – be good role models!

  • SM challenges Joe sees with parents – Snapchat, no way to monitor because it all disappears… “Deeper end of pool” – super popular. Starting out with Snapchat is a huge mistake – kids need to start with FB or IG, and wade into social networking pool to learn how to interact online. Snapchat is more for later/older teens.

  • Roll out the SM access, rather than giving kids full access from the beginning. Let them flex and develop their muscles.

  • Get on the apps they want to use with them, let them teach you, normalize communicating with each other through this media.

  • How do we help our kids deal with sexting? Statistically 20% - 30% of teens send pics, doubles when it is only “words” Girls sometimes start the behavior because they know the boys will respond. Joe advises the boys to respond with “this isn’t something you need to do… here are three things I like about you besides your boobs” – our girls are getting the wrong message about how to connect/get attention.

  • Joe has a PDF about sexting – great prompts for powerful conversation.

  • Kids have less hangups about sex and seem to be more comfortable with their bodies, but there is an abyss they can tumble into – we want them to be more discerning and thoughtful about who they share that with.

  • Musical.ly – lip synch app. Conversations about song choice and messages they are sending to the world. Others make meaning/assessments of you (kids) based on what you put out there….

  • Developing a discerning mind… All about practice.

 

Where to find Joe:

www.beheroes.net

Facebook l Twitter

Spare Me the Talk – written for teen boys

Spare Me the Talk the Girl Guide

 

What does Joyful Courage mean to you?

“Taking risks that make you feel good about yourself.”

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Eps 31: Emily Roberts is on Talking Social Media and Kids

I love Emily Roberts!!  There is a good reason she is called "Guidance Girl" - this woman has so many gifts and wisdom to share...  She knows tweens and teens - she has an inside perspective and shares it on the show.

Listen in and broaden your perspective around the online social life of your children.

Emily and I have a candid conversation about what parents should be thinking about and how we can be building relationship through navigating this online social world with our kids....

This is a looooooong podcast because I just can't stop talking to Emily!!

Resources mentioned:

American Girls: How Social Media is Disrupting the Lives of Teenagers
Express Yourself: A Teen Girls Guide to Speaking up and Being Who You Are

Other articles and interview with Emily:

An interview about social media addiction
What Every Parent Needs to Know about Cyberbullying

Follow Emily's work:

One her website
On Facebook
On Twitter
On Pinterest
On Instagram
On YouTube

Let me know what you are thinking!!  Join the conversation on the Live and Love with Joyful Courage Facebook group - a crowd of like minded parents do the best they can to be their best on the parenting journey!

Eps 21: Jessica Lahey breaks down Autonomy-Supportive Parenting and how to empower our kids by letting them fail

Such a great conversation!

Jessica Lahey is smart and funny and real when it comes to talking straight up about how we rob our kids of their future when we protect the from failure...

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It doesn't matter if they are in the sandbox or a high school classroom, our kids only learn the tools for relationship, empathy and resiliency when we (parents) allow them the gift of discomfort, making mistakes and yes, failure.

Listen in to this candid conversation and consider where you could pull back a bit, where you could allow your kids a little bit more room to learn from their missteps, to own when they've hurt someone, to problem solve it when they've left their homework or lunch at home (again!)...

We all love our kids, we want them to grow into the fullest, best versions of themselves, sometimes that requires us to back off and let them figure some things out...  You may be surprised by just how capable they are!

Mentions:

The book: The Gift of Failure by Jessica Lahey
The article in the Atlantic that started it all: Why Parents Need to Let Their Children Fail
Why Back to School Night Made Me Feel Like a Bad Mom
Glennon Doyle Melton on momastry.com 
How to Raise and Adult by Julie Lythcott-Haims
The Price of Priviledge by Madeline Levine


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Feedback?  Questions?  Contact casey@joyfulcourage.com

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Eps 14: Emily Roberts Digs Into Teaching our Daughters About Being Assertive

I was introduced to Emily Roberts on a Facebook group for parent educators that I belong to...  I knew right away that I wanted to know more about her when she introduced herself and shared about her work with tween and teen girls...

I bought her book, Express Yourself, and quickly realized that this woman is LEGIT!  This book, which I am currently reading out loud to me seventh grade daughter is PACKED with so many nuggets of wisdom for our girls...  Not only that, I am finding that I am learning so much from the tips and advice that Emily shares... 

In this podcast interview, Emily and I discuss her book, plus the importance of supporting our girls in growing their assertive muscles...  We touch on friend drama, social media dos and don'ts, as well as why knowing the outcome you want is the first step to actually getting there.

Emily is a dream.  I think you will enjoy the conversation as much as I did!  

Follow Emily:

On her website at theguidancegirl.com
On Facebook at Guidance Girl
On Twitter at @GuidanceGirlEm
On Instagram at @GuidanceGirlEm
On Pinterest at Guidance Girl
On You Tube at The Guidance Girl Channel

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Episode Five: Talking about tweens with Shannon Younger from Tween US

Show Notes:

It was my great pleasure to interview Shannon Younger from Tween US.  You can find her blog on the Chicago Now website.

Click here to join her Facebook community

Follow her on Twitter

Shannon lives with her 12 year old in the suburbs of Chicago and has been blogging on Tween US for the past 3 years...

"When we are feeling pain in our own parenting practices, chances are, other parents are feeling the same way..."  - Casey

Tina Bryson Payne and Dan Siegel - brain development in teens

"Doesn't have to be us vs. them."  - Shannon

"Stand in your firmness within the context of being in relationship with your child."  - Casey

Tweens and Social Media

*  Take the out!  Kids must be 13 to participate

*  So much goes on that parents are unaware of.  Check out your child's friends pages....

*  Remember that internet isn't all bad - it can be a helpful/fun tool

    - Bethany Mota  You Tube Channel

*  Take time to train and develop skills

Smart Phones

*  Communications skills

*  Making agreements/setting boundaries together

*  Central "charging station" at night (Shannon's is in her bedroom)

Lauren Steinberg -  Author of The 10 Basic Principles of Goof Parenting

"My 12 was not the same as your 12, but my 12 was painful too." - Shannon

Stay connected by having fun, sharing laughs and reminding them they are a part of a family.

Let me know what you think!!!  

I am here for you people! I treasure your feedback and look to you to let me know what you are finding helpful and what you want more of...  You can leave a comment below OR you can send me a voice message by clicking on the SPEAK PIPE app over there - its super easy, don't be afraid...


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