Eps 51: Tracy Cutchlow Discusses Fostering the Growth Mindset Early

Welcome! My guest for today’s show is Tracy Cutchlow, the author of Zero to Five: 70 Essential Parenting Tips Based on Science (and What I’ve Learned So Far). The book fulfills Tracy’s passion to help new parents with information and support as they embark on the parenthood journey. 

Tracy also writes a blog and articles for the Washington Post and Huffington Post. Tracy and her husband, Luke, live in Seattle, where they enjoy life with their four-year- old daughter, Geneva. Unbelievably, Tracy wrote her book during the first 18 months of Geneva’s life! We’ll talk about the tools and wisdom in her book and the topic of helping our youngest children develop a growth mindset. Join us!

What you’ll hear in this episode:

  • The unusual format in her book that makes it helpful for busy, new parents

  • Development challenges of very young children

  • “How many times do I have to tell you?”

  • Why children follow their desires (even when they don’t follow OUR desires)

  • Our expectations vs. normal development

  • Why parenting education should be included in well-child visits to the pediatrician Behaviors: Why they meet the child’s innate needs of experience, power, and connection

  • Why children seek connection, but will settle for attention

  • Look at their behavior through the lens of their needs.

  • Growth mindset: What is it?

  • Acknowledgement vs. praise: What’s the difference?

  • How empathy fits naturally into the growth mindset

  • What it takes is small tweaks in our language

  • Why our kids NEED to make mistakes

  • The power of teaching kids about their brains

What does Joyful Courage mean to you? “It means taking action, but having a lightness and a playfulness—looking for the good instead of the bad.”

Resources:

www.zerotofive.net (Find parenting tips and more!)

Zero to Five: 70 Essential Parenting Tips Based on Science (and What I’ve Learned So Far)by Tracy Cutchlow

Find Tracy on Facebook and Twitter: Zero to Five Book

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Eps 45: Deborah MacNamara helps us Make More Sense of our Kids (and humans in general)

Dr. Deborah MacNamara is a brilliant voice in parent education and if was so fun to get to know her on the podcast!

From her website:

Dr. Deborah MacNamara is on Faculty at the Neufeld Institute and author of Rest, Play, Grow: Making Sense of Preschoolers (or anyone who acts like one) She presents, teaches, and writes on all facets of child and adolescent development based on the relational-developmental approach of Gordon Neufeld. She is also in private practice where she offers counselling services to parents and professionals in making sense of learning, behavioural, and developmental issues in kids. Deborah is a dynamic teacher and experienced counsellor who makes developmental science come to life in the everyday context of home and classroom.

She was an amazing guest and I KNOW you will be left is awe of all you have learned while listening to our conversation!!

Show highlights:

  • Core of her work is making sense of kids, to the adults that are responsible to them

  • Childhood is the unfolding of human potential – separate social and adapted human beings

  • Rest, Play Grow is about children ages 2-6 years old.

  • It takes 5-7 years for brains to resemble adult brain. Before then, their brains are impulsive, they are all about themselves, their goal is to focus on oneself and become a separate person. They are ego-centric

  • Play is the leading edge of development

  • Warm up act in preparation

  • Most of the growth happens for this age during play – free of consequences, kids are free to be expressive and exploratory…

  • Children express emotions at play – keeps them balanced and at the surface

  • Play is the unfolding of our early occupations

  • Play that leads development when they are playing on their own…

  • Release a child to play after offering contact and closest first… they know their attachment needs are met an they can move into play.

  • … Under three they stay pretty close to parent

  • 2.5 – 3 signs of venturing out and spread their wings to try things our.  Promote this by using contact and closeness first and set them up to play, then slowly move away and give them space to play

  • What is the space that your child engages in?

  • Temperament matters – 1/5 children are more sensitive and stired up by their environment… they take a little bit longer to be satiated with connection

  • Give each child what they need for play to unfold

  • Resistance and opposition – counter will instincts – instinct to resist others when we are feeling co-ersed

  • We have our own agendas and they have theirs

  • Attachment – if a child is not in active attachment with us (engaged) we have kind of disappeared

  • Growth occurs within relationship – we want to keep them receptive to our message.

  • Acknowledging the child has their own interest and move forward anyways. Children do need to realize that at certain times, the resistance is futile.

  • The more the relationship is in tact, easier it is for kids to roll with it.

  • Say no and give them permission to have their feelings.

  • Emotional self control is something we can get to – over time.

  • Encourage expressing feelings

  • Help them feeling feelings

  • Mixing their feelings

  • Reflecting - that it is about the child’s relationship with own feelings

  • In the practice – get to a place of deepening and developing relationship with others

  • The relationship must be with oneself in before one becomes a social being

  • In order to have a relationship with oneself, an adult must have a relationship with us...

  • A child must know who they are first, before they become a social being… The adult is responsible for helping the child know who they are.

  • Help child become civilized relating with emotional expression…  Yes please, lets all make this our goal!!

Where to find Deborah MacNamara:
http://macnamara.ca/
Facebook
Twitter

BUY HER BOOK!! - Rest, Play Grow: Making Sense of Preschoolers (or anyone who acts like one)

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Want MORE??  Join the Joyful CourageTribe in our community Facebook group - Live and Love with Joyful Courage.  Raising our children while growing ourselves...

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Make sure to SUBSCRIBE to the Joyful Courage Podcast on iTunes to get the latest shows STRAIGHT to your device!!  AND PLEASE rate and review the Joyful Courage Parenting Podcast on iTunes to help me spread the show to an ever larger audience!!

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BONUS EPISODE: Raffi Talks About Music and the Center for Child Honouring

Raffi Cavoukian is well known for the music he makes for young children...  Many parents today were brought up with that music and are now sharing it with their kids.  I spent many a day in the car singing Baaaaaaby Baluuuuuga to my littles and am so completely THRILLED to have the chance to talk to him on this podcast!!

It was so much fun getting  to know Raffi!  He candidly shares his story of singing folk music to adults, to sharing songs with children - learn more about him by clicking here. He talks about the deep respect he has for young people, and the fun he has when he gets to entertain them.

Raffi is a social activist, and shares about the Center For Child Honouring he founded near his home on Salt Springs Island, British Columbia.  The mission of the centers invites people to "be a part of the global movement that views honouring children as the best way to create sustainable, peacemaking societies."

And of course, we talk about some of my favorite songs!

I am so grateful he took the time to talk to me.

Resources mentioned on the show:

Center for Child Honouring
PDF of the Child Honouring Covenant and Principles
FREE download of Take A Breath - a song about self regulation

You can find and follow Raffi on his website l facebook l twitter

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Want MORE??  Join the Joyful Courage Tribe in our community Facebook group - Live and Love with Joyful Courage.  Raising our children while growing ourselves...

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Make sure to SUBSCRIBE to the Joyful Courage Podcast on iTunes to get the latest shows STRAIGHT to your device!!

Eps 37: Dr. Laura Markham on holding space for siblings to get along

I am so excited to share this conversation with listeners...  Dr. Laura Markham is one of the leading voices in the parenting arena and full of easy to digest tips and tools for parents with kids of all ages!

I was BEYOND honored when she agreed to come on my show!

Listen in as we talk all about how to create space for our kids to get along, explore what keeps kids from connecting, and dig in to how one on one time with each of our children actually helps the sibling bond grow.

Dr. Laura's bio from her website:

Dr. Laura Markham trained as a Clinical Psychologist, earning her PhD from Columbia University.  But she's also a mom, so she translates proven science into the practical solutions you need for the family life you want.

The founding editor of AhaParenting.com, Dr. Laura also serves as a parenting expert for Mothering.com, Psychology Today, The Natural Parent Magazine, Pregnancy.org, Girlie Girl Army, SheKnows.com, and several other websites.  She makes frequent TV and radio appearances and has been interviewed for hundreds of articles by publications as diverse as The Wall Street Journal, Real Simple, Newsday, Men's Health, Redbook and Parents Magazine.

Dr. Laura's relationship-based parenting model has helped thousands of families across the U.S. and Canada find compassionate, common-sense solutions to everything from separation anxiety and sleep problems to sass talk and cell phones. She lives in Brooklyn, New York, with her husband and two terrific kids -- now 20 and 24!

Resources mentioned:
Peaceful Parents, Happy Kids
Peaceful Parents, Happy Siblings
John Gottman's work with couples and marriage

Where to find/follow Dr. Laura's work:
www.ahaparenting.com
Facebook
Twitter

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About MAZLO --- click here to check out the offer mentioned on the show.  If you are interested in checking out the Calm and Connected Parenting Program FOR FREE send an emaill to casey@joyfulcourage.com.  Put "Mazlo Coupon" in the subject line!!  

And don't forget to join the Joyful Courage Tribe in our community Facebook group - Live and Love with Joyful Courage.

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