Context – we all have the power and the skills to be the parent we want to be
A recent post from the Live and Love with Joyful Courage community:
Can we talk about sharing our big feelings with our kids?
My kids are 2.5 and 4.5yo, and I don't know how to share my big feelings in front of them without freaking them out. I want to be able to be my full and authentic self with them, in an age appropriate way. And I realize, the fact that they are upset when I am upset means that they are afraid of my big feelings and may be afraid of their own big feelings. We try to welcome their big feelings (tantrums, disappointment, etc.) but I think we do a miserable job at it.
Compounding this, I am someone with explosive emotions. I tend to feel things very deeply and it takes me time to calm down. I have worked hard to make sure I don't express those emotions in a negative or scary way. But instead I most often bottle them up, which isn't good either.
Celebrating awareness. Celebrating emotional intelligence. Celebrating authenticity. Celebrating personal responsibility.
Misconceptions (in general):
- not ok for our children to see us upset
- not ok for our children to FEEL upset
- they’re being naughty
- they’re manipulating
- they’re learning “bad behavior”
- welcoming big feelings is the same as condoning hurtful behavior
This is a POWERFUL example of what I think is the PURPOSE of parenting:
- to grow into our best selves
Children are mirrors
- not mimics
- instead, provide a reflection of how we effect the world, what our impact is, what we are inviting
Children/parenting journey is an invitation
- recognizing conditioning
- recognizing what our “driver” is
- recognize commitment vs attachment
- Committed to being a connected parent vs attachment to what that looks like (slippery, perfectionism, comparison)
Children/parenting journey is unrelenting
- The lessons come every day, moment to moment
- The growth is like peeling an onion
- There is no where to ARRIVE
Child/parenting journey is an opportunity to grow
- I can’t say this enough
- Where are your hard edges?
- Where is there room for self growth?
- Where can flexibility show up inside of rigidity
- “I am someone with explosive emotions.”
- We are ALWAYS evolving
- What can we learn about ourselves?
- What can we practice that will be more helpful and less hurtful?
- How can we deliver our experiences and be heard?
- How can we create a PRACTICE that honors us and our experience while also models the life skills we want our children to one day embody?
- Practices are UNIQUE and INDIVIDUAL
- The myth of “balance”
- Assumptions about our “roles”
Taking care of ourselves and our own self-regulation, in the end, will do more to teach our children and influence their behavior than any tool you can find in a book or the internet.
You’ve got this!
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