Eps 73: Dr. Ross Greene Schools us in Effective Problem Solving

Today’s guest is Ross Greene, an acclaimed author and parenting educator who works with kids with behavioral challenges. We are discussing how collaborative, proactive problem solving can reduce parenting challenges. Join us!

“Kids have information we badly need. If we don’t get that information we are at risk of plunging forward with uninformed solutions based on what we think is going on. Our theories and assumptions are often wrong. If you get what’s the matter wrong, your solution won’t work. The least fallible source of information is the kid.”

What you’ll hear in this episode:

  • The role of problem solving in managing challenging behaviors

  • Why sticker charts and rationing of privileges doesn’t work for this demographic

  • Making collaborative and proactive solutions work for your family

  • Changing your mission: finding out what is getting in your kid’s way

  • The benefit of a skills based approach – coaching skills improvement through problem solving

  • The difference between control and influence

  • Parenting and education as partnering and helping

  • Collaborative vs unilateral problem solving

  • Prioritizing unmet expectations to plan proactive problem solving

  • Getting out of the heat of the moment in your parenting

  • Three steps to proactive problem solving

  • The need for realistic, mutually satisfying solutions

  • The danger of too many solutions

  • Differentiating between a failure and a solution that wasn’t mutually beneficial, realistic or incomplete

  • The messy but crucial nature of problem solving

  • Perfection vs improvement over time – being realistic about goals

  • Focusing on the right thing: learning to focus on the root cause of behavior vs the behavior itself.

What does Joyful Courage mean to you? 

There is courage that comes along with being a parent, a teacher and a staff member and doing something different because what you are finding is that what you are doing now isn’t working. I’m delighted to say that there are many many parents, educators and facilities who have had that courage and they have been remarkably helpful to their children, their students and the children in their care and that should bring them a great deal of joy as well. It takes courage to take a look at what you are doing, think about it, and try to do something differently.

Resources:

The explosive child
Lost at School
Lost and Found
Raising Human Beings
The Drilling Cheat Sheet
The B Team – Facebook Group
Elevate Your Parenting – Facebook Group
Lost & Found – Facebook Group for Educators
Lives in the Balance – Facebook Group for Clinicians

 Where to find Dr. Greene:

Lives In the Balance
Facebook
Twitter
Centre for Collaborative Problem Solving
Dr. Ross Greene

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Eps71: Rosalind Wiseman is on talking about friendship roles and teaching dignity for all

Today’s guest is Rosalind Wiseman, a mom of boys and political scientist who works with teenagers in a professional capacity through an organization called Cultures of Dignity. We are going to talk about the social lives of teenagers. Join us!

“Look for your champion moment and step in.”

What you’ll hear in this episode:

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•    The struggle to balance maintaining friendships and handle power imbalances and how that flows into abusive romantic relationships later on
•    Media depictions of relationships and how they impact teenage perceptions of acceptable and normal behaviors
•    Impacts of the election cycle on teenage behavior and normalization of racism and bad behavior and the resulting need for parents to promote inclusion
•    How to promote diversity and equal dignity for all by helping your children recognize the difference between healthy curiosity and put-downs
•     The importance of coaching your child on how to participate in respectful dialogue and redirecting conversations without reinforcing stigma
•    How to support teachers in a changing political climate while they deal with teens struggling with uncertainty
•    The role of education in supporting problem solving and critical thinking
•    Common roles in teen social groups and the associated challenges of raising: queen bees, side kicks, banker, mastermind, associate, bouncer, entertainer, conscience, champion, victim/target, pleaser, the messenger
•    Helping your kids practice for their champion moment
•    Backstabbing and the role of the messenger
•    How to teach your kids that a disagreement isn’t the end of the relationship
•    How to use and coach the SEAL formula – how to speak when you are angry
•    The similarities between conflict in teen relationships and videogames battles
•    The difference between bullying and lack of relationship skills
•    Giving space and listening to boys during puberty
•    Relationship repair following insights acquired during parenting education

Resources

Queen Bees and Wannabes
Masterminds and Wingmen
Owning Up

Where to find Rosalind:

Her Website
Facebook
Twitter
Instagram
LinkedIn

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Eps 9: Whose problem is it??? Joint Problem Solving with Kids

 

Such a great conversation with Marcilie Boyle!!  Solving problems with our kids is no joke and such an important way to teach life skills.  Marcilie breaks down the task in a way that gets parents excited to practice!!  She is full of information and real life stories that I know will be inspiring and helpful to you – Enjoy!

Marcilie studied the work of Ross Green –
Lost at School
The Explosive Child

He writes and teaches about Collaborative Problem Solving (CPS) – involving kids in solving their own behavior challenges

Parents tend to think it’s our job to solve our children’s behavior challenges…  Truth is, our kids can be awesome problem solvers – yay!

The brain likes it’s own ideas best!!

David Rock – Neuro Leadership Group  

CPS has 3 main steps –

- Empathize gather info from child – from their point of view
- Define the problem
- Brainstorm solutions together with your child.

Most powerful part --- not necessarily the process, but how we shift perspective about how we look and think and feel about behavior challenges….

Recognizing that behavior is a sign of something deeper that is going on.

“Most helpful when we can focus that deeper thing, rather than just the behavior itself.”

Your child’s behavior is not the problem – What’s the problem, THE PROBLEM! (I love that)

The problem is always underneath the surface…

“Kids do well if they can.” – Ross Green

Example:

Child won’t turn in his homework.

What’s the problem?  Lacking organization skills and some auditory challenges…  The solution is brainstormed with child and addresses these problems and the homework situation shifts (solutions are helpful)

Consequences don't necessarily teach skills…

What are the lacking skills behind the behavior?

P.E.S.O.S. (Marcille's Problem Solving Recipe)

Combines principles of Ross Green’s work, with Positive Discipline  and How to Talk so Kids will Listen and How to Listen so Kids will Talk

Prerequisite: You and your child must be level headed - calm, in a good place emotionally

When intensity is high, communication and problem-solving skills are low…

P – Permission…  Giving yourself permission to engage and getting child’s permission

E – Empathize…  Understanding problem from child’s perspective –stay neutral and specific – “Tell me about…. (the problem)” then validate their concern

S – State your concern…  Short and sweet “My concern is…”

O – Options…  Brainstorm options for solutions that are a win/win for you both

S – Select and idea to try…  Must be realistic and mutually satisfactory

Try it out, make a date to review and see how it’s going…

 

Seeing our kids as a person who wants to do well, but have something in their way towards that success….

Watch the video below --

Click here for Marcilie's handout on the steps of P.E.S.O.S.

Marcilie Smith Boyle
Website - www.workingparenting.com– blog, free gift, newsletter
Facebook – Working Parenting
Email - marciliesmithboyle@gmail.com

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