Eps 178: Beyond Birds and Bees with Bonnie J Rough

Join the Joyful Courage Tribe in our community Facebook group - Live and Love with Joyful Courage.  Raising our children while growing ourselves...

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Today’s guest is Bonnie J. Rough, who is an author, journalist, and speaker focusing on families, health, education, parenting and sexuality. Her latest book is Beyond Birds & Bees: Bringing Home a New Message to Our Kids about Sex, Love, and Equality. has written recently for the New York Times on teaching young children about boundaries and consent and the value of childhood crushes, The Atlantic on both the link between sex ed and gender equality and improving school sex ed, the Washington Post on why it’s important to teach sex ed in mixed-gender groups, and New York Magazine on raising kids without sexual shame. Join us!

 

"What I learned is that the focus on helping kids wait longer is really not and should not be the end all. It’s really more about how can we prepare them to have a positive experience.”

 

“The Dutch parents who I met and the American ones too who have inspired me on this really are prioritizing their relationship with their kids over their ideals about what and when their kids will do things.”

 

“If we have those open lines of communication we actually have more control than if we forbid.”

 

“The more open and transparent we can be with our kids the better.”

 

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What you’ll hear in this episode:

  • Cultural differences between the US and Amsterdam around gender equality, nudity, and sexuality

  • Normalizing conversations about sexuality

  • Separating nudity from eroticism

  • Differences in sexual health outcomes between US and Dutch teenagers

  • Ways to keep lines of communication open with your kids

  • Double standards applied to boys and girls

  • Why helping your child maintain cross-gender friendships

  • The importance of knowing your kids’ friends

  • What the research says about teenage sex

  • What to do when you feel you’re late to the party in talking to your kids about sex

  • The importance of not having an agenda when having those curious conversations with kids

  • Owning when we feel awkward or uncomfortable

  • Navigating fear and baggage to become available for conversations with our kids

  • Expanding our own knowledge base to have better conversations

 

What does Joyful Courage mean to you?

Oh my gosh, to me joyful courage is all about that permission, that freeing sense of permission that I got from observing parents who knew that, you know, making little mistakes in a day to day conversation with our kids about healthy sexuality, it's meaningless, those little mistakes. The big thing that we're doing right, you know, having an interest in relating with them on the subject and so when I realize that, you know, it's not a thing to damage our kids by telling them too much, it's not a thing to damage our kids by telling them something that wasn't accurate one day and coming back, circling back to it another day. It's, you know, knowing that I could be gentle with myself and that we can actually have fun with the conversation once they kind of got to just be a thread through our normal life, you know, basically joyful courage for me is about going headlong into it, you know, with optimism and cheerfulness and hope and trust.

 

Resources:

Beyond Birds & Bees: Bringing Home a New Message to Our Kids about Sex, Love, and Equality

 

Where to find Bonnie:

Website

Twitter

Facebook

Instagram

 

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Joyful Courage: Calming the drama and taking control of your parenting journey

 

This book is all about how to show up as a Joyful Courage parent so that you have better access tot eh tools you need in hot parenting moments – tools that are helpful and maintain connection with your child.

 

Presale is April 10th – as many of you as possible buying presale would be FABULOUS. I am going to have some special bonuses TBD for my presale buyers.

Official launch date is May 20th – OMG – so so exciting!!!

 

The best way to stay up to date on the book news is to join my newsletter list, if you haven’t already.  Sign up at www.joyfulcourage.com/join

 

Thank you to everyone that has been so encouraging on this journey!!!  I appreciate you and we are ALMOST THERE!!!!

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Buy the Parenting Teen Audio Summit!
** This will only remain available for a limited time **

The Parenting Teens With Positive Discipline Audio Summit is a deep dive into the messiness of parenting through the teen years and beyond. Each of the featured guests speaks candidly from both their wisdom as parent educators, as well as their real life experience of raising their own teens.

 

Check it out – www.joyfulcourage.com/teensummit

 

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Eps 161: Solo Show About Navigating Depression and Anxiety

Join the Joyful Courage Tribe in our community Facebook group - Live and Love with Joyful Courage.  Raising our children while growing ourselves...

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Solo show – sharing from personal experience

Recap what is happening with my teenager

  • If you listened last year, you heard the struggle

  • Online school

  • Clients I’ve worked with

  • Friends confiding in their experience

What the stats say

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  • My experience of finding information

  • What my gut tells me

  • The ways the world has changed

Why it’s so hard

  • Weight of fear/possible outcomes

  • Lack of control

  • Our own stories

PD is belonging and significance

  • Power of perception

  • What do we do when something feels “wrong” without giving message that they need to be fixed

  • The challenge of meeting them where they’re at

    • My experience with this….

    • Not knowing what this means

    • The dance of acting/fixing vs validating/being

The iceberg

  • Tip of the iceberg

    • They won’t talk, can’t identify what’s “wrong”, tears, withdrawal, aggression/defiance/anger, shut us out

    • Grades/friends/activities

    • Bad after school special

  • Under the surface

    • Hopelessness/fear/not know what or how they are feeling

    • Feelings of disconnection

    • Out of control

    • Anxiety/depression

The range….

  • Not all or nothing

  • Grey areas

  • Our own beliefs about mental health

    • My experience, looking back I was afraid to call it what it was because it made it true

    • My upbringing of not using things (family drama) as a “crutch” messaging

Enmeshment/codependency

  • I am going to get really vulnerable and highlight something that I see showing up because of the dynamics that are currently alive in my family

  • My experience with needing approval – give me the gold star, tell me how great I am

  • Wanting it from my family, especially my dad and step mom

  • Now noticing that I am searching for it from my daughter

  • NO BUENO

Getting spiritual

  • Carolyn Myss

  • My experience of energy work in the context of my relationship with Rowan

  • Life happens for us, so…. This is an experience that is happening for me? For Rowie? 

Acknowledging my controlling tendencies and the message it sends

Letting go/backing off

Having a plan (with school) about what I will and won’t do with a request

Treatment

  • Counseling, naturopath, energy work – this is what WE are doing

  • You do you. Make choices for your kids.

  • Listen to your kids. Listen deeply. Hear without fixing

  • Ask permission

  • Give them space and trust they will come to you

  • Don’t be afraid to go big if things feel really off

  • Ask hard questions

  • GET SUPPORT

  • TALK TO EACH OTHER

  • Quit dismissing teens by saying “everyone feels that way” because even if it’s true this is not what they need to hear – they NEED to feel seen and heard

  • Check your expectations at the door, accept that this is a part of your parenting story

  • Take care of yourself

  • Check your codependency

  • GET HELP – if your gut tells you that what is happening with your child is extreme, seek help.

I say this to you and to myself. We will get to the other side of this, my friends. And only we get to decide if we get to GO through this time of our lives, or if we GROW through it.

Thank you to all of you parents of teens, those of you who are personal friends who have been brave enough to be in conversation with me, clients, listeners – you are not alone.

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Become a Joyful Courage PATRON!

You can now find Joyful Courage at http://www.patreon.com/joyfulcourage and make a contribution to the show that you love! This is an opportunity for you to sign up to make a monthly financial commitment and support the sustainability of the podcast.

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50% OFF!!

Intention Bracelets

Back by popular demand!! The Joyful Courage intention bracelets are back in stock and I am THRILLED to have been able to have had the community vote on the reminders that are on them…. Breathe, Pause, Trust, Surrender, Kindness – what do you need?

Daily Intention Cards

What do you think about the Daily Intention Cards???  These cards are designed to support you in your conscious, intentional parenting practice.

Joyful Courage Tanks

Wear your declaration!!  Joyful Courage tanks are CUTE and they are a great way to spread the word about this powerful work. Get yours now – good while supplies last!!

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Make sure to SUBSCRIBE to the Joyful Courage Podcast on Apple Podcast to get the latest shows STRAIGHT to your device!!  AND PLEASE rate and review the Joyful Courage Parenting Podcast to help me spread the show to an ever-larger audience!!

CLICK HERE to watch a video that shows up how to subscribe with your iPhone!

 

Eps 158: Kimberly Muench talks about the tight rope walk of raising teens

Join the Joyful Courage Tribe in our community Facebook group - Live and Love with Joyful Courage.  Raising our children while growing ourselves...

Today’s guest is Kim Muench. She is a JAI Institute for Parenting certified parenting coach who works with moms of preteens and teenagers. She is the mother of 5 kids ages 13-31. She writes about conscious parenting, provides one on one coaching and workshops to help support moms towards intentional parenting. We are discussing detaching from the outcome. Join us!

What you’ll hear in this episode:

-When children arrive at adolescence

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- The balance of boundaries and relationship building with our teens

- Choosing your battles

- Defining your family values

- Setting an example for your kids

- Defining non-negotiables

- Ways to offer choices to your teenager

- Detaching from the outcome

- Prioritizing personal care and personal development

- The illusion of control

- Individuation and what that can look like

- Supporting our kids in making better choices with alcohol

- Being okay with kids failing or things taking longer

- Trusting vs hovering - learning to detach

- Taking a long view to your relationship with your kids

What does Joyful Courage mean to you?

Joyful Courage means to me enthusiastically embracing and supporting the journey of our sons and daughters that have come into the world to live out their journey. Supporting and encouraging them with enthusiasm. And I love the two words together, I think it’s fantastic.

Resources:

Episode 82: Tweens and Smart Phones

Where to find:

Website

Facebook

Twitter

Facebook Group Real Life Parenting Community

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Mother’s Journey  Home to Herself
Overland Park, KS

Many of us become mothers and we get caught tending needs of our family, or homes and our community, and struggle to find ways to move our personal growth and wellbeing up the priority list. This weekend retreat will allow you the opportunity to explore self-care rituals that will help you reset and feel renewed, and give you nurturing tools you can incorporate into your daily life far beyond our time together – so that you can feel more ease, peace, connection and joy in the every day.

A Mother’s Journey Home to Herself is an invitation for deep personal inquiry, while practicing tools for deepening relationship with ourselves and our family, resulting in more cooperation and ease and joy during this exceptionally time of our lives.

Find out more and register now à http://www.joyfulcourage.com/mjweekend/

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Become a Joyful Courage PATRON!

You can now find Joyful Courage at http://www.patreon.com/joyfulcourage and make a contribution to the show that you love! This is a opportunity for you to sign up to make a monthly financial commitment and support the sustainability of the podcast.

:::

50% off all the goods at the Joyful Courage SHOP
www.joyfulcourage.com/yes

Intention Bracelets

Back by popular demand!! The Joyful Courage intention bracelets are back in stock and I am THRILLED to have been able to have had the community vote on the reminders that are on them…. Breathe, Pause, Trust, Surrender, Kindness – what do you need?

DAILY INTENTION CARDS

What do you think about the Daily Intention Cards???  These cards are designed to support you in your conscious, intentional parenting practice.

:::::

Be a Subscriber

Make sure to SUBSCRIBE to the Joyful Courage Podcast on Apple Podcast to get the latest shows STRAIGHT to your device!!  AND PLEASE rate and review the Joyful Courage Parenting Podcast to help me spread the show to an ever-larger audience!!

CLICK HERE to watch a video that shows up how to subscribe with your iPhone!

 

Eps 150: Solo Show! Getting Real About Transitioning Into Summer

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I am on speaking directly from the tranches…. Feeling the stretch and pull of raising adolescent kids. Kind and firm, yes, and IT’S HARD!!  Moving into summer and thinking about routines and agreements.

Enjoy!

Eps 96: Melissa Benaroya talks Summer Routines and Structures

Eps 129: Solo Show - Using the Iceberg Metaphor to Understand Behavior

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Become a Joyful Courage PATRON!

You can now find Joyful Courage at http://www.patreon.com/joyfulcourage and make a contribution to the show that you love! This is a opportunity for you to sign up to make a monthly financial commitment and support the sustainability of the podcast.

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Small group coaching  

4 weeks
4 participants
$99

Head to the Live and Love with Joyful Courage to find a time that works for you.

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Living Joyful Courage MEMBERSHIP PROGRAM

I would love LOVE to have you in the membership. It’s some good learning and community – EXACTLY what you need to transform the climate of your home.

Check it out à www.joyfulcourage.com/living-jc

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Mother’s Journey BALTIMORE

EARLY BIRD PRICE THROUGH June 15th!

Come to Baltimore in July 28th!!  Super excited to be circling up with mama’s to bring more connection, self growth and discovery to the community there! More info can be found at www.joyfulcourage.com/mothersjourney

Are you interested in bringing A Mother’s Journey to your community? Get in touch with me! All MJ workshops happening because people like you reach out and say COME! Fill the room with the mamas you love and enjoy a say of love and learning. Email Casey at casey@joyfulcourage.com to explore the possibility.

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All the goods at www.joyfulcourage.com/yes

Intention Bracelets

Back by popular demand!! The Joyful Courage intention bracelets are back in stock and I am THRILLED to have been able to have had the community vote on the reminders that are on them…. Breathe, Pause, Trust, Surrender, Kindness – what do you need?

DAILY INTENTION CARDS

What do you think about the Daily Intention Cards???  These cards are designed to support you in your conscious, intentional parenting practice.

:::::

Be a Subscriber

Make sure to SUBSCRIBE to the Joyful Courage Podcast on Apple Podcast to get the latest shows STRAIGHT to your device!!  AND PLEASE rate and review the Joyful Courage Parenting Podcast to help me spread the show to an ever-larger audience!!

CLICK HERE to watch a video that shows up how to subscribe with your iPhone!

 

Eps 117: Solo show - A Bit About Choosing in, Being Kind and Firm, Making Agreements and Following Through

Big thanks to the community!  Thank you for listening and supporting the work of Joyful Courage!

Please pass on this show to AT LEAST one person who you think it will land with! Your sharing helps me grow and expand this work – YOU are helping to create the impact and make the world a better place.

Content:

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  • I am on the journey with you, I am with you! Highs and lows, you are my peeps!

  • The teen saga continues….

  • Having a teen is like birth, you think you’re so prepared and then…. Reality hits!

  • Teen brain experiences everything so intensely

  • Eps 115 was all about trust and surrender

  • Celebrate the relationship

  • Using and developing breath as a tool

  • 4:45 Our children are our teachers – they picked us!

  • We don’t know what we don’t know and our children highlight that for us

  • Their way of being invites our “stuff” to the surface

  • We then choose how to respond

  • End of the day – they are operating from their developmental place, limited skills, brain development

  • 7:50 Parenting is a never-ending growth and development workshop – we can choose to resist or to grow/evolve

  • 9:15 There is a purpose to this journey

  • Let’s live a life where we are paying attention

  • Our children show us stepping stones to our own growth

  • When we choose into growth and learning we can influence the experience we are having

  • You can only change yourself, you can’t change others

  • Positive Discipline for Teenagers

  • Mistakes our kids make can rock our foundation and philosophy around parenting

  • Being kind and firm at the same time is one of the pillars

  • Peeling back layers of what that ^^ means

  • Kindness only = permissive

  • Firmness only = authoritarian

  • Kind isn’t NICE, it’s connected, firm is respecting ourselves and the situation

  • It’s about progress not perfection, and becoming ever more AWARE of what is happening for us

  • Making agreements is a kind and firm PD parenting tool

  • Get into our child’s world, here what their needs are, share what we need, make a plan together, declare a deadline, follow through (parents)

  • “What was our agreement?”

  • It’s not about being nice while we deliver a consequence…

  • The invitation is to make agreements with YOUR children

  • Not necessarily about the problem we solve, instead it is more about the life skills the kids are practicing inside of the agreement-making

  • Not about finding a solution that lasts forever – every solution has a shelf life

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DAILY INTENTION CARDS


Instagram Followers!!

 What do you think about the Daily Intention Cards???  These cards are designed to support you in your conscious, intentional parenting practice.

Get yours now – http://www.joyfulcourage.com/intentioncards

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FAMILY MEETING ECOURSE

6 week email course that guides you in setting up the family meeting routine/practice. It is on demand so that as soon as you sign up the emails will begin to show up in your inbox!

Sign up now:

http://www.joyfulcourage.com/family-meeting-ecourse

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COACHING WITH CASEY

Are you playing with the idea of one on one coaching? I currently have a few spots available in my schedule and would LOVE to work with you.

Coaching with Casey is a three month commitment. We will explore your vision for parenting and even bigger, how you want to show up for your life. We explore mindset, and how shifts in mindset create big shifts in relationship. And finally, we deep dive into the tools and strategies of Positive Discipline for teaching, modeling and practicing life skills.

Coaching is an investment. If you would like to find out more, and explore the possibility that coaching is a good fit for you, schedule a 20 minute explore call.  Click here and we will schedule our call!

:::::

Be a Subscriber

Make sure to SUBSCRIBE to the Joyful Courage Podcast on iTunes to get the latest shows STRAIGHT to your device!!  AND PLEASE rate and review the Joyful Courage Parenting Podcast on iTunes to help me spread the show to an ever larger audience!!

CLICK HERE to watch a video that shows up how to subscribe with your iPhone!

Eps 115: Solo show - Exploring trust and surrender as I navigate all there is to learn while raising a teen

Dedication: I love you Jessica, Micki, Stephanie and Jennette. Thank you for being my support and my safe harbor through the journey of raising teens.

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Solo show!  I am digging into my own trenches and what is currently alive in my experience of parenting two adolescent kids.  Pulling back the curtain to share what it means to truly pull back the curtain and TRUST the process.

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Content:

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  • The tension of being a parent educator WHILE IN THE EXPERIENCE of parenting

  • Parenting for the long term…

    • Keeping in mind brain development

    • Mistakes are opportunities for learning

    • Everyone should have a voice

    • Relationship matters

    • Kindness, firmness and trust

  • Bumps up against the mainstream idea of reward/punishment model

  • My own experience of punishment/consequences as a teen

  • Noticing the societal pressure of “she should pay for her mistakes” while also noticing that we have a really good relationship and are exploring her choices together

  • All we can do is increase the likelihood that our children will grow to be responsible, respectful members of society

  • In the process of learning to make choices, our children will make bad choices

  • I know I am not alone in this rub

  • We want our children to feel as though we are our safe harbor

  • Surrender is so complex… or maybe just the depth is profound

  • GRACE: workshop for women through boldlyembodylife.com

  • If trust is our intention, then we have to start with trusting ourselves

  • We then can evoke trust in our relationships

  • Then our teens can lean into trusting themselves (and getting it wrong sometimes)

  • The design of the universe is bigger than me, bigger than my child, and we are all going to be okay – might as well trust that God has our back

  • Trusting what I don’t know, what I can’t know, what I am still on the path to understanding

  • Fear grips the inside of my body, my energy tightens up – shorter breath, tight belly

  • “When fear is present, the teacher is in the room.” – Krista Petty Raimer

  • Events/ experiences are an invitation for me to evoke what I want more of in my relationship with my daughter

  • Neutral/ Think Tree – feeling our feet, grounding into our body, top of our body is open, flexible, available

  • Finding neutral is not about the absence of anything, but about the availability of everything (thank you Mary Jo!)

  • Neutral allows space for relationship with our children

  • The most powerful tool we have for influencing the behavior is the relationship we cultivate and nurture with them.

  • Lisa Damour – swimming pool analogy

  • There is flow and impermanence to the cycles of connection/disconnection that show up

  • Find your people that are going through similar experience and hold a similar parenting style to share raw and vulnerably

  • We are practicing all the time – either our auto pilot OR something new and different

  • Being intentional allows us to GENERATE more of what we want into our life!

  • DAILY INTENTION CARDS – 31 cards for setting a daily intention joyfulcourage.com/intentioncards coupon code: PODCAST for 10% off your first order J

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Mother’s Journey to Joyful Courage
PNW FALL TOUR!!

One more in 2017 – Boise, ID November 4th - This is for every mom
For more information, shoot me an email – casey@joyfulcourage.com
Or register now at www.joyfulcourage.com/mothersjourney

:::::

Coaching with Casey

Are you playing with the idea of one on one coaching? I currently have a few spots available in my schedule and would LOVE to work with you.

Coaching with Casey is a three month commitment. We will explore your vision for parenting and even bigger, how you want to show up for your life. We explore mindset, and how shifts in mindset create big shifts in relationship. And finally, we deep dive into the tools and strategies of Positive Discipline for teaching, modeling and practicing life skills.

Coaching is an investment. If you would like to find out more, and explore the possibility that coaching is a good fit for you, schedule a 20 minute explore call.  Click here and we will schedule our call!

:::::

Be a Subscriber

Make sure to SUBSCRIBE to the Joyful Courage Podcast on iTunes to get the latest shows STRAIGHT to your device!!  AND PLEASE rate and review the Joyful Courage Parenting Podcast on iTunes to help me spread the show to an ever larger audience!!

CLICK HERE to watch a video that shows up how to subscribe with your iPhone!