The last week of the ecourse has arrived. Big thanks to all of you who hung in there and did your best to play with these tools and put them into action...
Everybody participates in a way that works for them. What ever you've put into this experience has lead to what you've gotten out of it. My hope is that today you are finding yourself with broader awareness around sibling conflict and relationship, and tools to help your kids solve problems in a way that is effective and helpful.
What are your biggest takeaways so far? Where are you seeing improvements? Where is there room to keep revisiting and growing?
These are great questions to explore in your journal moving forward. Continue to return to curiosity and your own physical/emotional experience of parenting, and you will open the space for broadening your perspective and which will lead to more possibilities...
Taking time to train your kids is key to all of this. Don't fool yourself into thinking one conversation about bugs and wishes and they are masters... Or that they aren't going to try to lure you back in when you are practicing one of the 4 Bs. As I mentioned last week, these skills are learned over time, with practice within the context of solid relationship.
Mistakes are opportunities to learn. This is a mantra in the Positive Discipline world. This emotional stuff is messy, and your kids are doing the best they can with the tools they have. Pausing will continue to be important, keep practicing this, and settle into your non-judgemental noticer... Both of these tools create space for the kids to practice their emerging tools.
Developing the foundation...
This week we will be exploring some foundational pieces that will help with troubleshooting and maintaining perspective. All of this work, when continuously practiced, comes together to create a certain kind of over-all vibe in the home.
What we began with, the internal journey of noticing your own experience - body/emotion/story - when there is sibling conflict, is a life long tool (which, by the way, is good for more than just puzzling out the parenting). Continue to tap into that, especially when you are feeling stuck.
Thinking tree is also an ongoing practice... I did get feedback that there might be some dads who are feeling as though this is too "woo-woo" for them. If this is the story at your house, encourage them to find their inner YODA - because you know that Yoda wouldn't be such a bad ass if he was over run by his emotions. Yoda pauses, finds his feet on the floor, fills his body with the force (all that he values and is important to him) and carries on when he has a clear head.
If they need a refresher they can watch Star Wars Episode 4 when Luke goes to Yoda's swamp land and gets trained - he is basically learning Think Tree.
Conversation and language continues to be important. You are asking your kids to show up differently. Use your own bugs and wishes - let them see them modeled over time and the kids will know it's here to stay.
As I have said time after time, all of this is a practice. And whatever kind of system you have to remind you of that is important! Let us know what is working for you in the Facebook Community or email me directly at firstname.lastname@example.org.
As I mentioned above, this week we are going to learn to some foundational pieces that will help you troubleshoot what is happening with your kids. Its not just important to have tools in your toolbox for when the challenges show up, we also want to make sure we are getting to the underlying issues that are creating the challenges and help our kids to develop the skills they are lacking while navigating the world of being a sibling.
I invite you to consider your own sibling experience while taking in these videos. Journal about how the information pertains to the child you were, in the family you grew up in.
Keep using the tools of the past week, and consider how this week's content gives more depth to the power of those tools...
Lesson Four/Part One
Belonging and Significance
This is a key piece to putting all of this work together. You children perceive the world around them and make interpretations based on their own life experience. They then form beliefs about themselves and how they fit into the world based on those interpretations. These beliefs are then used to fuel the decisions they make about how to find belonging and significance in the family... Check out the video for more.
Lesson Four/Part Two
Kids do better when they feel better - and we are not born with the tools we need to feel better! Self regulation, being able to calm down, being able to notice that you're getting upset and doing something to get it together is LEARNED. Kids do not know how to handle the emotional overload that can show up when someone snatches their toy, or calls them a name, or is getting all the attention (from their perspective).
In this video, I share the hand model of the brain that comes from the work of Dr. Dan Siegel and how this can actually be AN INCREDIBLE USEFUL thing to teach your children.
Lesson Four/Part Three
I call it the glue that holds it all together. You know your kids need to practice, they need to feel connected and supported... Well, Family Meetings are a powerful tool for holding space for the practicing AND you get to also develop deeper relationship, belonging and significance, while solving real problems!
At the end of the video, I offer you the Family Meeting Ecourse for FREE as a thank you for being a part of this course... Click here if you are interested in taking advantage of that offer.
I am so grateful for each of you and the time and trust you put into this program. This last video is an offer for you all... Be in touch and let me know if you would like to go deeper with me -
Big love to each of you,